Day By Day

[ericmsant2]

Tad

Just popping in to say.. that I am praying for you and your mom. Enjoy the time that you have with her.

I've told her many times that I am okay, but I'm not sure if she believes me.

She will when YOU believe YOU.

I do not come around much anymore. It has been a nice break for me. Thank you for the birthday wish text. I appreciate it.

Be well and keep the focus on you. YOu know how to reach me

Peace
Eric

[tadpole1025]

Thanks Eric and Golfmom. I still come here Eric, but not as much as I used to either. Golfmom, my heart goes out to you. My grandmother had breast cancer and passed three weeks after 9/11. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Mom is still hanging on and is beginning to suffer quite a bit. She has some pain, is cold, talks, but can barely complete a sentence without falling asleep or forgetting what she is talking about. It hurts to see her like this. She looks as if she has aged 30 years in six months. I can't believe how quickly the cancer kicked her butt. She is even too weak to hold her own food. I see her atleast twice a day and am grateful for the time that we have right now, because I know soon she will be gone.

Had an interesting text exchange with XW today. It showed me how childish and angry she still is. I'm beginning to think that she still sees no good in me and I still wonder what I must have done to make her hate me so much.

The child support that she has been paying was supposed to end at the end of May, but didn't because she didn't put a stop to it when she was supposed to. In June, she asked if I was still getting it and I told her that I was. In July, she told me that it was still coming out of her check and I agreed because I was still getting payments. Well, it turns out that the last payment that I received came on 8/14 because she had me served with papers stating that I won't be getting anymore payments....and I didn't. I told her that they had stopped and also made a point to tell S18 that they had stopped because I knew that she would ask him. However, money is still being deducted from her check. Apparently, she has been bugging S20 for two days accusing me of lying about getting the payments.

Tonight, all four of my boys and S20's GF were out for dinner. XW starts texting S20 and accusing me of still getting the payments. S20 told me that he wished she would just leave him alone. So.....(I know. I know....a big no no....) I sent her a text:

ME: I have not received child support since 8/14. Please quit bothering S20.

XW: It would have been nice if you would have told me sooner when it stopped like I asked you to do. I'm entitled to that money. Thanks for the info....finally.

ME: I'm sorry that you "asked", but it isn't my problem or his.

XW: It might just be.

ME: You asked me last month if I was still receiving it and I told you that I was. That's fine. Go get everything you are entitled to. Peace.

**** CONVERSATION OVER? ****

No.

XW: I needed to know when it stopped coming to you.

ME: And I told you.

XW: You never told me that it stopped.

ME: Yes I did, but whatever.

**** CONVERSATION OVER? ****

No.

About an hour later, I get the following text:

XW: What a coinkadink! Got a letter in the mail today. It is over and I will be getting a refund.

ME: Yes, and as you can see, I haven't been receiving it. Imagine that.

XW: I didn't doubt it. I just didn't know since I was not told until today.

ME: You were told and you even thanked me for telling you.

XW: You are so full of sh!t.

ME: Ok.

**** CONVERSATION OVER? ****

No.

XW: That happened today. It certainly didn't happen when you stopped receiving the money.

ME: Ok. Leave me alone please.

**** CONVERSATION OVER? ****

No.

XW: Then stop texting me. You don't have to have the last word H.

ME: OK. Goodnight.

XW: See???

**** CONVERSATION OVER? ****

Yes, but only because I gave HER the last word and didn't respond. I'm sure that she thought that I would have.



I'm so done with her garbage.

Whatever dude.

Tad

[job]

Tad,
I'm very sorry to hear that your mother is suffering quite a bit. Is hospice visiting w/her? If so, someone needs to advise them that she is suffering a bit more and they can adjust her pain meds.

As for your xw, once you stated your point w/her, you should have left it alone, no matter how many texts she sent. Your son is old enough to handle his own battles and all he had to do was allow the message to go to voice mail and deal w/the messages later by deleting them if he didn't want to listen to them. Tad, there comes a time when your children have to stand on their own two feet and since his mother is the rose w/the thorns right now, he needs to tell her that whatever is going on is between you and her.

Your xw is still looking for ways to take pot shots at you. This is not the time for that kind of stuff, i.e., w/your mother in the shape she's in. Stop taking her bait and when you don't fuel your xw's fire, it will die out.

Again, state your point when you deal w/her and then walk away or cut the conversation short. There is no need to continue defending yourself. You know you weren't getting the money...so let her investigate her own deductions and figure things out.

I am keeping your mother in my thoughts and prayers. Keep your focus on what is important right now...your mother.

[AJM]

Very sorry to hear about your mom, Tad. Glad you're still posting and you are still making progress.

Snodderly's right - you are getting in too deep and your ex is still taking pot shots at you. She pointedly told you that you don't have to have the last word - she does.

Yes, but only because I gave HER the last word and didn't respond. I'm sure that she thought that I would have.

You were a little slow to see that (and that's why I'm calling it out).

I'm so done with her garbage.

Really?

Get it through your head, Tad. She won't leave you alone until she or you are six feet below the grass. If I was being mean, I would suggest you have them bury you face first so she can kiss...never mind. There's no point in meanness. Humor can help though.

Look Tad. You can't get through to her. You can't have a "normal" conversation with her. She will listen to anyone other than you on this planet. But you she will not listen to. It's just not going to happen anytime in your lifetime. (most likely; I can't see the future any more than you can).

Shake your head, let her have the last word - heck, let her have all the words - and walk along. You are the very last person on the planet that she can have a reasonable conversation with.

There will be more Tad. Believe me I wish it weren't so, but there will be more. More accusations. More spew (although if you're quiet, it's kind of comical how it comes out of nowhere), more vomitting of anger. But eventually, with you out of the picture, her anger will turn elsewhere. Somebody in the family may still be around to see it by then, but it can't be you. Anyone but you.

You cannot have a conversation, or at least a reasonable conversation with her, Tad. I feel ya, brother. Most of us here do.

Keep focused on the family. It's working well for you and you're catching up well and getting your balance back. I can see it in the change your posts.

Peace,
AJ

[tadpole1025]

Your xw is still looking for ways to take pot shots at you. This is not the time for that kind of stuff, i.e., w/your mother in the shape she's in. Stop taking her bait and when you don't fuel your xw's fire, it will die out.

Very true Snodderly. It boggles me though. If she were truly happy, why still so angry? Seems to me that if I got everything I wanted, I would have no reason to be angry.

And yes, you are right. I should have stated my point and dropped it.

Look Tad. You can't get through to her. You can't have a "normal" conversation with her. She will listen to anyone other than you on this planet. But you she will not listen to. It's just not going to happen anytime in your lifetime. (most likely; I can't see the future any more than you can).

So true. I've thought ever since this mess started that she will listen to anyone, but me. I was the closest to her so I get pushed further away.

Update:

Sitch -

I got another angry text from her about child support last night. I didn't even fight her. I just told her goodnight. I read her text and just shook my head. Why so angry? Why still?

Mom -

She continues to decline. I see her every day. Everytime that I leave her, I think to myself: "how much worse can she get?"

She is suffering a lot more too. I want her around, but I hate to see her like this. She is awake off and on and really doesn't talk anymore. She will smile, nod her head or try to speak, but she really can't finish a sentence before getting confused or forgetting what she is saying or starting the sentence over and over. She is really weak. It breaks my heart.

Me -

I wouldn't be surprised if I am getting fired from my job. I've taken a lot of time off because of mom. The funny thing is, I really don't care. I can always get another job. I've only got one mom...

Tad

[uRworthy]

I am so sorry, Tad. I lost both of my parents to cancer. It is a truly insidious disease.

Just a thought. Maybe your mom is holding on for some reason. I told my mom everything I wanted to say and then I told her it was alright to let go.

Sending prayers your way.

[AJM]

Hey Tad, sorry to hear about your mom. It's difficult to see someone like that: wanting them to hang on but not suffer. In some ways it's a long goodbye

Glad to see your priorities are in order.


Peace,
AJ

[job]

Tad,
I agree w/uR that maybe your mom is holding on for some reason. Your mom has fought a long, hard battle w/cancer and she's been strong throughout her ordeal. When God is ready for her, he will call her home. From what you posted, it doesn't sound like it will be much longer. Spend as much time as you can w/her and let her know it's okay to let go and that you will be okay.

I'm very sorry and pray that God will end her suffering sooner than later. My thoughts and prayers are w/you and your family.

[Delboy]

Hi Tad, sorry to read about your mother and the pain & suffering she is going through, and that you feel that’s she’s just hanging on for something.

Maybe that something is mutual forgiveness, perhaps there’s a need to forgive one another and to say I love you?

Love

Delboy

[tadpole1025]

Thanks all.

Just a quick update:

Mom is still hanging on and continues to suffer. I don't see much day to day change in her, but I can see it week to week. To be honest, nobody thought that she would even make it to the beginning of September. Here we are in October and she is closing in on our birthdays. My great great grandmother, my great aunt, my mom and me were ALL born on October 25th.

From the alien:

S22 told me that XW has sent all 4 of our sons and invite for Thanksgiving, but he said it sounded more like a lecture than an invitation. He said she also seemed to have a little attitude. He said it basically consisted of her telling them that it was time to meet her husband blah blah blah and how our boys should accept and be happy with the choices she has made blah blah blah. We have already made plans and I know that atleast two of my boys will not be going.

My thoughts:

Yes, they can accept the choices she has made but they do not have to be happy about it. Also, if they choose not to meet this guy, shouldn't she take her own medicine and accept the choices our sons have made about meeting him?

I wonder if she is finally starting to realize that she is paying the price for the choices she has made. The funny thing is, I told her that she would eventually end up being the biggest loser because of this. My boys want nothing to do with her new life, husband and family...

Tad