Having an internal struggle between wanting to stay and wanting to leave. I just have a sick feeling in my stomach right now and do not feel well. Other days I feel fine, even great, with how things are. Things are improving between us, and we have been communicating SO much better. We are even spending more time together. Some of my original goals have been fulfilled. I think that we are handling situations better together, more as a team, and taking each other's feelings more into consideration.
Standing in a relationship is hard, and I definitely have so much respect for those that stand during tough times in order to save their relationship.
Some days it takes every ounce of strength to not yell at him that I want answers, or a divorce. My inside is screaming at me to leave, run, run, run, and let H have his freedom, and me mine. My head is telling me to wait it out and see what happens.
Things are getting better with us, but is it going to amount to anything, if he just doesn't have those feelings for me? Something tells me that once you lose that love for someone it is pretty hard to ever get it back. That is what I am struggling with most, that thought that he has lost the love, and what are the chances that he will get it back? I feel like I am the foolish, doting wife, to someone who will never care for me as he should.
Hi CP. I too feel like this at times. For me it comes and goes in cycles, maybe every 3-5 weeks or so. I know how hard it can be.
"Some days it takes every ounce of strength to not yell at him that I want answers, or a divorce."
This is a bad place to be. They can't give us answers because they don't have 'em. If pressed, their answer most likely would be "I don't have those feelings, and don't see how they can ever come back."
I know it's not easy, or always possible, but we have to find ways to be content with where we are, in limbo land... or bail out. Like you, I often find my limbo sitch quite tolerable. It seems the best choice for now. Sure, I'd be fine living by myself, but it would not be better than what we have now. Starting up with a new partner holds even less appeal. (unless it was with one of you fine DB ladies, of course!)
What changes can you make that will leave you more content with your life as is? This is what you need to search for and make happen. If H is to ever come back around, it will take time. In the mean time you have to live for you. Don't waste a day!
Finally, just knowing that I can pull the plug on this Limbo at any time helps me tremendously. We actually have a lot of power in all this, so don't feel foolish, or like a victim. You are doing right by your H, M, and the commitment you made. Be proud of yourself!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
