Help needed

[seventeen]

FastCars, thanks. He hasn't asked for a meeting lately, but if he does, I think I'll request a change of venue.

Cadet, I do see the difference. A boundary has to be something I can enforce. I get that. My so-called "boundaries" about the OW are essentially unenforceable, since the only way to enforce them is to refuse him access to the kids unless he follows them . . . and I don't think that would be the right thing to do. That would be blackmail.

All I can do is ask nicely and hope he will comply. But I have no Big Gun waiting if he refuses. He sees nothing wrong with "hanging out" with the OW while the kids are there. I find this mind-blowing. If the roles were reversed, I would never do that.

So what IS my Big Gun? What boundaries CAN I set and enforce? Because we have kids, I can't NOT have a relationship with my H. I can't make "if you continue to have a relationship with the OW I can no longer have a relationship with you" a boundary, in my case.

Because of the OW, of course, I HAVE ceased having a romantic or sexual relationship with him. That was a no-brainer. And, honestly, the friendship is a bit shaky, as well. But I can't cut him out of my life entirely, no matter what he does.

I'm still stuck, though. Is there any legitimate way I can stop him from having the OW over when then kids are with him??? I feel like it's soooo damaging for them to see him with her. Am I wrong??? Is this just jealously speaking?