Yeah, I agree, thanks labug. I really don't think they would say anything negative about me, but you never know. I have pulled back anyway other than the football game because W has caused them a lot of stress.
Update in sitch:
I had to call W today because she filed divorce based on very strong grounds (extreme cruelty and gross neglect). These are a joke and W knows it, but I can't take it lightly. She and I agreed to convert it to a no-fault dissolution, but I need to know for sure that's happening so I can decide to respond. She said she would call attorney in the AM.
We had talked previously about the past Monday where she had come and declared she loved me, wanted to be married to me, and believed God wanted her to stay - but then she got mad about something, and went back on it. We had talked later about "retrying" that Monday to see how things went...
She told me today that she didn't think trying it again would make a difference; that we would just end up fighting again. I told her that was fine; I'm ready to move on with a new chapter in life, and I was pretty tired of the exhausting back and forth.
W: "Then why should we try the Monday thing again if you're done?" Me: "I'm simply pointing out that I'm not a big fan of the back and forth. It makes it very hard for me to understand what the situation is and how we're proceeding." W: "Well, I wasn't lying about what I said Monday." Me: "You meant every word?" W: "Yes." Me: "I appreciate you saying that, but the fact that you're still pressing divorce doesn't seem to make a lot of sense then. Regardless, I just feel like I need to do the right thing." W: "I don't want you to just want to do the right thing, I want you to love me." Me: "I don't feel 'lovey-dovey' right now, but I am willing to commit to my marriage even when I don't feel like it. That should make you feel better rather than some random feeling. D13 is in love with One Direction, but that doesn't mean it means anything. :)" W: "I'm busy working my new job this week, then moving all weekend. Can I take some time to think and you can call me this time next week about trying the Monday thing again?"
So, I pretty much gave her a complete out and she didn't take it. She could've said, "no, I'm done, let's sign and get it over with". Now I'm sitting here wondering if I'm being used/played and I should just sign the paperwork and move on, or if W is having legitimate second thoughts. Or maybe she just feels guilty? A little mind-reading, I know, but bleah.
So, I guess I'll just go dark; and call her next Tuesday.
Wow JonF. Just reading up on your sitch. I wish your W could understand how you feel about the back and forth. She has doubts about her decision is what it sounds like, but she, like most WAS's cannot turn their back on "their" choice to leave if they feel as we (the LBS) wants it.
It has to be their choice. However, I do wonder if I will ever get to point where I am done completely that I wouldn't even want my M.
I think the idea of going dark gives you both a chance to think. My H does not want to think. He wants to have what I call a "extortion tantrum" - a sort of give me what I want or I will hurt you......by divorce, by separation, by name calling, by saying hurtful things....
Staying dark is a good thing...
OLD THREAD: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2380569#Post2380569
Me: 44 Him: 51 Married: 9 years Together: 14 years
W: "I'm busy working my new job this week, then moving all weekend. Can I take some time to think and you can call me this time next week about trying the Monday thing again?"
Hi there, Jon. I've been following your sitch for a while.
I'd like to comment about W's request that you call her. My first reaction was "Silly! She's making Jon call her next week??!!" Don't call W next week. Since she's the one that asked for more time to think about "it", let her CALL you and talk with you. Seems to me that she is making you jump through hoops to call her when it should be the other way around.
Don't call W. You're not her secretary. She needs to do the work and meet you half-way.
I found out today that we had been set for a hearing in 3 weeks, so I had to really press W - my attorney said we'd have to start our response by Friday (now Wed). I won't need to even do a response if W gets her paperwork switched; but I don't want to just take it on faith and then get screwed some how.
Dang it, I was dark for 24 hours! But then it was just business that I couldn't avoid, so I'm still counting it.
@Wonka - I actually did say that - told her I'd assume we'd see each other at the final divorce hearing if I didn't hear from her next Tuesday. W has shown no desire to dismiss or delay the divorce, or do anything that is the "right thing" - even though she says she loves me, wants to be married, blah blah blah
18 pounds lost in 6-8 weeks, almost no exercise and zero dieting (just started exercising last week). Portion control and better choice of higher protein and less sugary foods, but I still eat pizza, etc.
hey jon, yea I've lost alot of weight also,just eating better and lots of walking...good stuff....50 pounds in less than 5 months...amazing how much better i feel with that gone...
Sorry to learn about the hearing. One thing I learn is that it's not over until it's over. We had two hearings and then a final trial date and suddenly about three weeks before trial we just kind of fell back together and life has been great since.
We both lost some weight during our sitch. We called it the "depression diet".
I was a maniac at the gym. We were separated for about 10 months and I refused to stay at home alone. I also started testosterone replacement therapy during the separation. I was going to the gym 5-6 days a week.
And now that we are back together I've only been going about 2-3 days a week. Funny how that happens. lol
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
Sorry to learn about the hearing. One thing I learn is that it's not over until it's over. We had two hearings and then a final trial date and suddenly about three weeks before trial we just kind of fell back together and life has been great since.
We both lost some weight during our sitch. We called it the "depression diet".
I was a maniac at the gym. We were separated for about 10 months and I refused to stay at home alone. I also started testosterone replacement therapy during the separation. I was going to the gym 5-6 days a week.
And now that we are back together I've only been going about 2-3 days a week. Funny how that happens. lol
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
NTX_Dad, I've been avoiding working out like that and the depression diet stuff because I purposefully didn't want it to roll back later after things settled down. I just started working out last week; I wanted to use willpower to control portion size and types of food as opposed to working out like crazy, and then getting fat again.
------------------------------------- So, I had to talk to W again because she got a package in the mail that came to our house. It's funny, I started to tell her I'd drop it off for her, but then realized, "It's her crap, why should I run around for her?" So I told her when she could come and get it.
I know this isn't really the marriage-saving talk everyone wants to hear, but honestly, I am feeling pretty done. It's again weird how the control switches once you really don't care anymore. I told W that I'd be fine if we just skipped any further talk about "working on things" or going back to the Monday where W said she loved me and all that rot. I told her we'd have a hearing in 3 weeks and since it was a no contest thing, we'd be done, so I wasn't sure if it was worth the time. I didn't tell her, but nothing is going to change in three weeks, at least not significant/realistic changes.
W texted me and said, "I'd still like to take some time to think about things, and talk to you next week after I'm moved." Crazy - your W gets the divorce she wanted, all her "freedom", etc, but she wants to think and talk about things when we're three weeks away from divorce?
I just said, "I agreed to it, so I'll keep my word. You can call me on Tuesday". Bleah. As much as I love her and believe in marriage, I sorta just want to be done. Tired of the rollercoaster!
