TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I think you have to think what is best for you right now, regardless of where H is or ends up. If you ever R, then you adjust for what is best for the both of you.
H has been texting but fallen back to no smileys no flirting etc. lol!! If I hadn't been here many times before I would think it was about me, luckily I have a pocketful of tickets for this ride and am just enjoying the view
Today I ask what's up? He is all stressed about upcoming vacation ( last week he was all excited). Stressed about S making sure he has all his things blah blah.
I laughed. Have I been organizing this entire family to go on this vacay for years? Yes. Yes I have. Lmao!! I am really looking forward to this vacay. No stress. For me at least
H started to go on about what a crappy vacay it's going to be ( this is being twinned with nephews marriage this year so lots of people and running around). I told him to knock it off and I would put him in my meditation. Loop.
I signed it kisses.
All I got was "nite". Lololol.
I refuse to let him affect my being this week :))))
Tomorrow morning I will catch up on everyone, love you all
So, today H brings up the relationship talk. Cue music.
He says that he has thought thousands of times over the past few months just to come back. That we are good together, finances, kids etc. but he doesn't want to come back for the wrong reasons. That down the line he would realize it was just familiarity and not love ( in so many words).
That he is always happy to see me and be with me, but, and I'm not articulating this properly, he wants the joy I guess, of seeing that person. I think he is talking about that early stage when people first fall in love. He is pretty sure he said he could live with me for the next thirty years and not be unhappy.
He also admitted he is not happy and realizes that he can't be alone, but again, doesn't want to start an R with me on the basis that he is lonely.
I just listened, said I need someone in my life who is strong. To stand with me and up to me, when necessary. We both agreed he is not there yet.
I likened it to the crisis of faith priests sometimes have and they either come through stronger or they leave.
He also said a couple things. One, he appreciates when I text or call him right away. It drives him crazy when people don't respond or just leave the middle of the convo in text. Mentioned that GFs did this.....so the text thing was a good intuition call.
The other thing was that if he didn't call etc it was because he needed space. I asked him if he noticed that I let him be if he didn't contact me and I realized this was what he was asking, without him asking . He said yes, but he thought that I just didn't care.
I think that last sentence says volumes, since I have told him I love him etc. he knows this. Perhaps I missed his LL, is there a communication one?? Lol!!
Maybe just reach out but not engage....
H had some tickets to a band and invited me. I sent a text saying " thanks for inviting me, I had a great time."
H said" thanks for coming tonight, I had a really good time"
It felt kind of like a formal date lol.....
That's where we are, I guess. I am strangely a bit freaked by Hs confession of wanting to possibly come back....
I think there are probably a few more twists and turns, don't you?
Sometimes it's so hard to have to journey along with others.
Quote:
The other thing was that if he didn't call etc it was because he needed space. I asked him if he noticed that I let him be if he didn't contact me and I realized this was what he was asking, without him asking smile. He said yes, but he thought that I just didn't care.
Does this mean he needs space but also wants you to contact him or just reach out a bit?
I think he's not quite up to temperature yet, baste and return to the oven.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Ya....if I knew the answers I would apply for position of head sooth sayer...lol!!
Bug if I manipulated (not in a terrible way, because we manipulate everyday) the situation a bit, he would be back.
But I am very VERY aware he is half-baked (lmao)
I don't know about the space thing and contacting. He needs that connection, but maybe also needs to feel the absence of that connection with me, which is something I realize needs to be done, but just haven't found a way to initiate that would not make him think I didn't care.
This will be a good opportunity, I think, since he has expressed this desire for space.
.