Tomorrow morning I will catch up on everyone, love you all
So, today H brings up the relationship talk. Cue music.
He says that he has thought thousands of times over the past few months just to come back. That we are good together, finances, kids etc. but he doesn't want to come back for the wrong reasons. That down the line he would realize it was just familiarity and not love ( in so many words).
That he is always happy to see me and be with me, but, and I'm not articulating this properly, he wants the joy I guess, of seeing that person. I think he is talking about that early stage when people first fall in love. He is pretty sure he said he could live with me for the next thirty years and not be unhappy.
He also admitted he is not happy and realizes that he can't be alone, but again, doesn't want to start an R with me on the basis that he is lonely.
I just listened, said I need someone in my life who is strong. To stand with me and up to me, when necessary. We both agreed he is not there yet.
I likened it to the crisis of faith priests sometimes have and they either come through stronger or they leave.
He also said a couple things. One, he appreciates when I text or call him right away. It drives him crazy when people don't respond or just leave the middle of the convo in text. Mentioned that GFs did this.....so the text thing was a good intuition call.
The other thing was that if he didn't call etc it was because he needed space. I asked him if he noticed that I let him be if he didn't contact me and I realized this was what he was asking, without him asking . He said yes, but he thought that I just didn't care.
I think that last sentence says volumes, since I have told him I love him etc. he knows this. Perhaps I missed his LL, is there a communication one?? Lol!!
Maybe just reach out but not engage....
H had some tickets to a band and invited me. I sent a text saying " thanks for inviting me, I had a great time."
H said" thanks for coming tonight, I had a really good time"
It felt kind of like a formal date lol.....
That's where we are, I guess. I am strangely a bit freaked by Hs confession of wanting to possibly come back....
