AJM - thanks so much for your feedback, especially that you didnt think his behavior was shocking. It kind of made me realize how I set myself up for him.
Okay current sitcH - D5 starting kindergarden this week & STBX was not available D1 to walk her to school. Like any normal 5 yr old my daughter has been struggling each morning going to school. It takes 200% of my energy to get her and D3 out the door and down the block to school.
I have texted H here and there indicating that its been a struggle.
I took some advice from my Alanon friend and texted him today to open the door wider for him walk D5 to school either tomorrow or Friday. I know my daughter would be thrilled and I think 2 people would make things much easier on everyone.
So he calls tonight at bath time and says he got my text but he wasn't sure if he should come in the morning if it would make things harder. I say no it would be great if you could come, I said "D5 dont you want daddy to walk you to school tomorrow" Right on cue she says "no".
STBX then is like maybe I shouldnt come. I encourage him to come but he doesnt like that I am pushing it. I say I really think D5 will be thrilled tomorrow. But I can feel the reluctance in his voice. He agrees to come.
I shoot him a text "Tomorrow is going to be very tough regardless and she is going to say a lot of mean stuff to get out of going but I think it would be very helpful. But if you dont want a scene I would understand"
He writes "She clearly doesn't want me to go"
I write "You are insane"
Lets see if he comes in the morning.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Thanks guys. I did in fact tell him it would be a help for me but that didn't seem to motivate him to come. I didnt ask my D5 to put her in the middle but she generally wants Daddy and he likes to hear her ask not me. He seems to think I am making up the fact the she wants him.
He did come this morning and it was very very helpful - I told him thank you, that it really helped with him being there. I hope he also recognized that I needed his help, D5 was clinging to me and D3 was then clinging for no reason.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
You handled it fabulously! How awesome. I'm glad it all worked out and you sounded very gracious to him. Probably good for him to see and feel helpful too.
Good for you for asking for what you need.
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I'm glad everything worked out this morning for you. Hopefully, this time of assistance will continue and you did a great job of asking, advising him of your needs and thanking him as well. Great job! Keep up the good work!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
