Do not move out unless you have a SA in place. Check the legal ramifications first. I lived just as you are and there comes a time when enough is just enough. Things become heated and you find yourself less able to evade the drama and behave in the manner you'd like to. That said, get legal advice first. I stayed until my SA was in place. There was no way I was going to take any chance of losing custody of my children.
Yea, it is manipulative and psycho. There is something wrong with her.
She loves her kids, but she can't see how this hurts them. She is an accountant, but she can't see how financially she is paying nowhere near her fair share.
Everything in life to her is a battle that she has to win. She just can't tolerate me telling her 'No'. She will up the anty until the other person folds. She has to be in control over everything.
I wish I knew how to help her. Unfortunately, lately, I think I am part of the problem. I really need to move out.
My L said that the judge we have is willing to waive the 6 month waiting period. If we agreed, we could be Divorced by Oct. 1st. My W said that she changed her mind. She will not a agree to a D before Jan 17th. Legally, she has that right.
I asked her why. I said that living like this is unbearable. We have no chance of reconciliation. She shows me no respect. We hardly talk, and do nothing socially. She is actively dating, and not being discrete about it. It is hurting our kids. Why does she want to stretch this out?
Her answer - It is my choice and I don't want to get D right away.
I don't think she has a plan for living on her own. We started dating when she was 21. At the time, she was living with her Grandpa. He threw her out, and she moved in with me. She got pregnant and we got married. She never lived on her own.
Not really Gods plan for a marriage. At the time I guess I just didn't care. What a fool.
//Your monies and divorce need to be legalized ASAP//
We do have a financial "Status Que" agreement which requires that we continue our current spending patterns until the D is final. So, technically, since she has historically paid these bills, she is required to continue paying them.
Unfortunately, it means I am required to keep paying alll the other bills.
What she's doing is just bullying you the way she has always done. You've buckled in the past (not being judgmental here) and she's seen success with this previously. No mystery here. Again, if you do leave what are the legal ramifications. She can say NO to a divorce in the previous agreed upon time period but she can't stop you from leaving. Check with your lawyer. This stuff s@cks so bad. I feel for you and your kids 'cuz I've been there.
giving in is a mind set...if you have the mind set that you are taking power back by paying the kids' activities and avoiding conflict OF YOUR OWN CHOICE...then who cares what she thinks of why you are doing it?
you will not be able to prove a point to a crazy person...
//My question is, why did you continue the conversation after you said you'd get a sitter?//
I thought having a "Family meeting" was a terrible idea. I thought I could talk her out of it. She used to be more reasonable.
//What is the only thing you have control over?// Me. It is clear that I need to move out. I am just not sure when or what I am taking with me. I need to figure out what to do with the kids and a temporary custody order. I really need to talk to my L, but she has been in mediation all week and unavaliable. Hopefully I can talk to her tomorrow.
