The "Lighthouse Story" indicates that I should NOT have allowed the OW to meet my kids: "Set clear boundaries that the Other Person is not part of your children's lives...without Love Busting. Offer alternatives that let them see the children, but be clear that the Other Person is to have no access to them."
By allowing my husband to "introduce" the OW to the kids two weeks ago, have I made a terrible mistake? She is NOT part of their lives, and I will NOT allow her to be. But, they have met. Occasionally, now, she is there in his house when they are with him--she no longer has to run and hide in the backyard when they stop by to get something (H and I live two blocks apart and are sharing custody close to 50/50).
My logic in calmly allowing them to meet her was to put an end to the "secrecy" of the relationship--I was hoping the thrill will fade away faster if she's no longer being hidden. H liked the secrecy, found it exciting. Now she's just a regular woman.
I have set some boundaries. I have insisted that he never leave them alone with her, that they never act "in love" or in any way sexual around them, and that they never go out to dinner, etc., like a family.
I have been assured (by both H and OW) that she is not "trying to take my place." She really is just a good-time girl with nothing better to do than hang around his house almost all the time. She is not looking to parent D (13) and S (11). That would be far more than she could handle.
What's your opinion?
Me 47, H 39 D 13, S 11 M: 17 years T: 19 years H's PA began: Oct 2012 Bomb: 02/13 Moved to MP: May 2013
