Divorced-not done-But wondering ?

[MrBond]

"I was asked a while ago that if I still wanted to reconcile with my ex why didn't I just ask her or let her know my desires?
This is based I think mainly on the fact that I am in a unique situation of not sharing children with my ex."

It's not a unique situation. In fact you raised her D and son for most of their lives so you should have some kind of connection to her. I mean you do care for your step D and S right?

"The other main reason I am sure others have asked me to go ahead and let my position be know to my ex is that they think that I could stay in some sort of holding pattern of "hope" as life passes me by."

What have you been doing since your D? Have you not progressed in life? That is one thing that you shouldn't be doing. As long as she feels you will always be there, she will have no incentive to look back your way.

"I have been under the impression that from a DB standpoint, we are to avoid R talks, as to not look like we are pursuing the R"

Yes, but again, every sitch is different. If doing one thing hasn't produced any results, you do something different. Either way, don't put your life on hold for her.

"But after speaking with several Christian based organizations and professionals, they thought that I should at some point state my desire to reconcile, but to do it in a way as to not pressure for it...as in just being content to be in the moment and build on the friendship as it leads to a deeper trust in the desired change."

If you tell her that you want to reconcile, she will shut the door on you immediately. HOWEVER, if you contact her in a friendly manner to ask how your stepkids are doing and then slowly lead into how she's doing, you'll be able to get in that way. BUT be sure that if she asks you how you are doing, DO NOT tell her that you are hoping the two of you get together again.

"But not in a way that would indicate that if we talked today, and dated next week, that it will all be a path for reconciliation....they just want the pressure taken out of it....but the desire to be known."

Won't work. In fact it may take awhile for you to even get her to go out and have even coffee with her, so forget about a date.

"Does anyone have any input on this type of disclosure?"

Doesn't sound like closure to me. Anyway, you told her that you wanted to reconcile before and haven't said or done anything to prove anything else. What makes you think saying it again will help? All it will do is show her that you're still waiting for her like some weird stalker.