I haven't really posted much or been on the boards a lot because not a lot is new. I don't think anything has slid into decline, per se -- but nothing much has changed. Our interactions remain friendly and kind, but not terribly frequent. Depending on how we manage the schedule, the only time I HAVE to see her is every other Sunday -- and that only lasts for a few minutes. Though brief, they are kind and we catch up a little bit. Outside of that, there is a text every once and awhile - mostly about S...things he says or does.
Last weekend she texted me on a Friday night about an event that she coordinated for her school that got her introduced to the mayor and other local "important" people. She was clearly very excited about it and just wanted to share it with someone. We had a little back and forth about it and that was about it. I have basically avoided church and other places that we may bump into each other.
A few weeks ago during a text exchange see told me that she "feels like a loner in this world". It broke my heart to hear that but I didn't explore it too much and just validated her feelings and moved on.
Speaking of church - a *SLIGHTLY* amazing thing happened two weeks ago. My parents went to church and XW was there with S. S saw my parents (I'm assuming) and made a bee-line for them. They all ended up sitting together and getting along (heard from both sides). At one point, there was a part of the service where you had to turn to the person sitting next to you and tell them that they were "beautiful". My mom actually had to say it to XW....and was fine with it. For all those that have followed my situation THAT is a big step. I don't tihnk anyone will be coming over tea anything soon, but the fact that they all sat together is pretty big...actually, it's really big. Maybe part of a slow, gradual thaw. That Sunday (presumably long after the service) My ex MIL (with whom I still get along) call my parents to talk, but they weren't home. I'm guessing XW told them about the church service. XW was smiling ear to ear when she told me....especially about the "you are beautiful" part. "Can you believe she said that to me????" Was her response to me.
Bottom line, she is still one her side of the fence and I am still on mine more or less...it's been about 3 months since she moved back to her place. And today is almost the 2 year anniversary of BD.
I continue to date here and there, but am no longer on a dating site. Mostly just hanging out with a few people I met there. It keeps me busy and "out". But at the same time I know I have not cleared a lot of room out in my heart for a serious relationship right now. Plus side of that is that whenever someone is no longer interested or stands me up I literally do not care. I feel ZERO pain in it at all....my friend and I joke that I am "partially dead" inside - but I don't know if I am joking 100%. My ability to really bond with another person on a romantic level seems near nil at the moment.
I'm still doing really well with my son. I adore him to the ends of the Earth. I try to make our time together as meaningful as possible and I try to let him know that he is loved by me whether he is with me or not. And yes, I still get tears in my eyes when I drop him off or my time with him is over. I miss him so much at times it feel like my oxygen supply is getting pinched. XW feels the same way and has said as much to me.
Well, that's all really. Nothing too interesting with the exception of the deal with XW and parents at church.
I hope everyone is well and I reamin grateful for all that everyone has done for me in terms of helping me navifate my way through this. Hard to believe it has been two years already.
