I think I majorly backslid yesterday. I hadn't spoke to my H for over a week and a half and he texts me that he is moving out of our home that we shared (I'm living with my parents) and that he will be gone by Friday to his friends. I didn't think he would end up moving even though he told me he was thinking about it for the last couple months. So I called him asking if I had to get my stuff out as well because we only have 2 days and with work it will be impossible. He offered to bring some of my things. He also said since his mom hasn't rented it out to anyone yet I still have time to get my stuff. A lot of our stuff is going into storage that he got, like our wedding presents etc. this is going to be really hard for me to go back to an empty house. I'm not sure I'm prepared for that!
Well after I got off the phone with him I balled my eyes out then got really angry. So I called him a couple hours later and said I think we should get a divorce since he's obviously moving in that direction by moving in with his friend. He said he understands and that maybe I'm right. So after that I'm heartbroken and miserable because that's not what I wanted, I just blurted it out because I'm angry. Anyways I ended up regretting what I said and called him back a couple hours later and apologized and said I didn't mean it, I was just feeling really hurt. He said he was sad and he didn't want to think about that either or make any rash decisions. He went on to tell me he would understand if I did because it has been 4 months and knows he hurt me. We then talked a while and he also said he was afraid to lose me. I asked if he wanted me to make that decision because he couldn't make one and he said sometimes he did wish that, but that he doesn't want to think about that. He also asked me a lot about our relationship and what I would change if I could go back (he's asked me this a few times before). So I told him the things that have made me a better person through this experience etc and validated his feelings.
He also told me its been hard the last few days in the empty house and going through our things, but thinks this is the best decision right now because he's tired of living there.
He asked me if I missed him again, and told me he misses me so much sometimes. Other times he feels like its the best decision. He said he can't make any decisions right now, but he doesn't want to give up. I then asked what we could do to start at least moving forward so we're not stuck in this limbo, and he said he would have to think about it. We ended the convo talking about fantasy football (this is one of my 180's, he always wanted me to be more involved with this).
Now I'm just thinking I shouldn't have said most of the things above and backslid! If anyone has advice out there, I would really appreciate it!
I'm supposed to go over there today to pick up something for work and pick up a few things. Hopefully I will pull it together and handle myself well when I'm there. I'm going to not go into relationship talk at all!
