Help! I'm so hopeless and devastated...

[MyNewStrength]

Hi Peace. I read your sitch and thread. I know how discouraging all of our situations can be. However, everyone is correct....stop focusing on your H and start focusing on you and your children. I still fail at this at times, but when you focus on your, you start to realize that you cannot help the WAS.. They will have to experience the same pain and depression we LBS' experience as a result of their actions.

We just need to learn how to avoid their "ambush". it is what I am learning to call what my H does to me. When he feels guilty or bothered by his actions, he games me into what he considers as an argument to justify his actions. It is what TTD was saying.... "you cannot shoot a person who is not armed" (or something like that). Well, my H made sure I was armed by goading me into what he considered and argument, but I labeled as a pleasant disagreement.

You should really begin to think about him as a ghost, and alien, someone who cannot be reasoned with....He is focused on himself and his own needs. He feels as though he has given up his life for his family and NOW it is his time to be selfish. He wants what he wants. And who is preventing him from obtaining it...the people that are closest to him... you/family.

You and I both have to learn how not to take their words so literally because they are truly confused but they cannot ever admit it because it would be an admission of inadequacy or failure in their mind.

We, unfortunately have to be the strong ones... We have to love from a distance and begin to rediscover ourselves...

As Cadet and MrBond has said to me...."you can do it!!!"