Help! I'm so hopeless and devastated...

[peaceSJ]

And it is for sure that H has OW. It is not my suspect. I know they meet once a month

[peaceSJ]

Thank you, NQ. I will...

[MyNewStrength]

Hi Peace. I read your sitch and thread. I know how discouraging all of our situations can be. However, everyone is correct....stop focusing on your H and start focusing on you and your children. I still fail at this at times, but when you focus on your, you start to realize that you cannot help the WAS.. They will have to experience the same pain and depression we LBS' experience as a result of their actions.

We just need to learn how to avoid their "ambush". it is what I am learning to call what my H does to me. When he feels guilty or bothered by his actions, he games me into what he considers as an argument to justify his actions. It is what TTD was saying.... "you cannot shoot a person who is not armed" (or something like that). Well, my H made sure I was armed by goading me into what he considered and argument, but I labeled as a pleasant disagreement.

You should really begin to think about him as a ghost, and alien, someone who cannot be reasoned with....He is focused on himself and his own needs. He feels as though he has given up his life for his family and NOW it is his time to be selfish. He wants what he wants. And who is preventing him from obtaining it...the people that are closest to him... you/family.

You and I both have to learn how not to take their words so literally because they are truly confused but they cannot ever admit it because it would be an admission of inadequacy or failure in their mind.

We, unfortunately have to be the strong ones... We have to love from a distance and begin to rediscover ourselves...

As Cadet and MrBond has said to me...."you can do it!!!"

[peaceSJ]

Hi MP, thank you for coming to my thead and your encouraged words. You're right. Right now they are so selfish. They hate us because they think we are the obstacle which prevent them from obtaining their dream. We should ignore some of their words and actions.

I just went to MC by myself. She is sympathetic to me. She said my H is living in his own dream but not in reality now. So I cannot stop him pursuing his dream anyway. She told me not to give up, and continue to love him and let him go. One day he'll realize it and go out of his dream by himself.

Yes, let's be strong...

[Not Quitting]

Right now they are so selfish. They hate us because they think we are the obstacle which prevent them from obtaining their dream. We should ignore some of their words and actions.

Peace, you're starting to understand that your H is living in his own reality. H may "rewrite" your history together as it will help him justify his actions to himself. Remember to not take what he says personally. He needs to learn for himself that what he sees as the source of his problems really isn't.

Continue to focus on yourself. Continue GALing and maintain a PMA.

[TryingToDo180]

I agree NQ NP, well done for such an excellent post considering you are new here yourself You have totally got the DB concept
Peace you seem a lot more positive now and your MC sounds like a great person, spot on with her analogy of your H

[peaceSJ]

Thank you All.
To be honest, when I talked to the MC, I felt better. But after coming back, I'm still worried a lot. I wish what she said will finally become true. My doctor gave me some medication. Hope they can help my sleep and anti depressing.

[TryingToDo180]

I hope it helps as well peace I've got my IC on Friday, hopefully she'll be able to give me some insight to my latest sitch. I always say to her that stuff happens to me on the week that I don't see her and guess what? It's happened again! lol

[peaceSJ]

I took the medication last night so I can sleep a little bit longer. H saw the anti-ds and asked me why I took it. Then he said "you should avoid anti-ds medication, there will be a lot of side affect." Actually I shouldn't let him to see it because I don't want to him feel guilty.

[TryingToDo180]

I hope you ignore him when he said there'll be a lot of side effects if you take them, he's just trying to start an argument. He will say things that are negative, this is in the script! I don't think he'll feel guilty though, WAS normally aren't!