IMHO - she is starting all over again! (OM2, then anger and now kind (or something) - looks like a cycle repeating itself)
I am astonished and I do feel for you!
I think you did right in not responding to this!
You have properly already done this but if not then consider going through your threads last time she did this! That will properly give you a picture of what the future might bring!
Keep posting!
F
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
T1000, take the photo as a positive, she didn't even have to send one. The positive is: you got to see what kind of cake it was, and a photo of him on his birthday with the cake. You could simply respond (if you want to) with "thank you for the photos".
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Is she sharing a picture of our beautiful boy with me or is she saying "look your missing out". I have no idea.
Sure you do! I tried to tell you last time that if you could hold out, she wouldn't last long before she would holler, "I need a break". She takes more breaks than any mother I've ever heard about. And I'm sorry, but I disagree with your statement of her not working b/c she loves being a mom. She's too eager to get rid of her kids in order to have her "free" time. It would really be hard for her to be in a MR with the father of her children, since it would mean being a full time parent.
I'm not saying she doesn't love them or that she's not a good mother. But she is not the only parent that has a child with special needs or that is difficult to keep day in and day out. That is what parents do! But she wants to pick and choose when she wants to parent or not.
She uses her own flesh & blood to manipulate you. She knew exactly what she was doing when she threw those anniversary dates at you. Christmas, too. In most places in USA, when a couple are legally S or D, one parent would get Christmas Eve and the other parent would get Christmas Day. Then next year they would swap. Some courts set it up a bit differently, but one parent doesn't get to hog all of the holidays or tell the other parent when they can or can't see their kids. She knows she doesn't do right by you. When she gets mad, she uses the children to punish you.
My guess is that OM2 hasn't gone very well and instead of doing what's right, or even reaching out to you, she tries to make you jealous by bringing up Christmas vacation AGAIN, hoping to pull you back into her webb. Because that is how she operates. But you didn't respond quite like you use to do when you were grabbing at her crumbs. You have grown into a stronger man. You are becoming your own person. You are not bowing down and letting her lead you around by your nose. And it made her mad, so she tried to punish you since you were not happy to eat her LEFT OVERS. I mean seriously, this is all she does. And if you went back to her with your tail between your legs, she would still see other guys and play the same games b/c she doesn't want you bad enough.
You keep bringing up how you've had the kids nearly every weekend for 14 months. You are the only one who can change it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
T1000- I was astonished to read how she uses the kids against you so easily, and doesn't mind being called out on it. I 100% agree with Sandi, if she loves being a mom then why does she want to get rid of them so much? I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this nonsense.
Why does it matter why she sent it? Be happy you got another picture of your son. Again, you 2 are constantly trying to outguess, outplay, outsmart the other.
About her needing a break, I totally get it. I don't agree with the way she handles things but being a parent fulltime is difficult.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
IMHO - she is starting all over again! (OM2, then anger and now kind (or something) - looks like a cycle repeating itself)
I am astonished and I do feel for you!
I think you did right in not responding to this!
You have properly already done this but if not then consider going through your threads last time she did this! That will properly give you a picture of what the future might bring!
Keep posting!
F
Going over my old posts may show a previous pattern and it's tempting but I don't want to be relying on that as a map of where this might go. There are some similarities but it could go anywhere.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
T1000, take the photo as a positive, she didn't even have to send one. The positive is: you got to see what kind of cake it was, and a photo of him on his birthday with the cake. You could simply respond (if you want to) with "thank you for the photos".
It may be a positive that she sent a picture, with my W I can never be sure. I'm choosing to view the picture, appreciate it and my son for myself and move on.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
Is she sharing a picture of our beautiful boy with me or is she saying "look your missing out". I have no idea.
Sure you do! I tried to tell you last time that if you could hold out, she wouldn't last long before she would holler, "I need a break". She takes more breaks than any mother I've ever heard about. And I'm sorry, but I disagree with your statement of her not working b/c she loves being a mom. She's too eager to get rid of her kids in order to have her "free" time. It would really be hard for her to be in a MR with the father of her children, since it would mean being a full time parent.
Maybe I wasn't clear when I said it, when I said how she loves being a mom that was me repeating what she told me. I know she loves the kids and she loves some of the time she spends with them. It's obvious from her actions for a while that her free time is paramount to her. I have been an option for her for many things and giving her that free time has been one of them.
Originally Posted By: sandi2
I'm not saying she doesn't love them or that she's not a good mother. But she is not the only parent that has a child with special needs or that is difficult to keep day in and day out. That is what parents do! But she wants to pick and choose when she wants to parent or not.
Yes she does, I have have facilitated that. She has got very used to her free time.
Originally Posted By: sandi2
She uses her own flesh & blood to manipulate you. She knew exactly what she was doing when she threw those anniversary dates at you. Christmas, too. In most places in USA, when a couple are legally S or D, one parent would get Christmas Eve and the other parent would get Christmas Day. Then next year they would swap. Some courts set it up a bit differently, but one parent doesn't get to hog all of the holidays or tell the other parent when they can or can't see their kids. She knows she doesn't do right by you. When she gets mad, she uses the children to punish you.
Once I get financially sorted this is the path I plan to take. Get a schedule drawn up legally so I don't have to put up this BS. It could mean if she gets them this xmas I might get them next xmas, I don't know.
Originally Posted By: sandi2
My guess is that OM2 hasn't gone very well and instead of doing what's right, or even reaching out to you, she tries to make you jealous by bringing up Christmas vacation AGAIN, hoping to pull you back into her webb. Because that is how she operates. But you didn't respond quite like you use to do when you were grabbing at her crumbs. You have grown into a stronger man. You are becoming your own person. You are not bowing down and letting her lead you around by your nose. And it made her mad, so she tried to punish you since you were not happy to eat her LEFT OVERS. I mean seriously, this is all she does. And if you went back to her with your tail between your legs, she would still see other guys and play the same games b/c she doesn't want you bad enough.
I'm not going to even attempt to give her and OM2 any thought towards how it is going. Her reaching out one way or the other doesn't necessarily have any reflection on that, after all she might want that week off after xmas to spend time with OM2. I think it's a mixture of me being a stronger man but also being fed up of it all. After OM1 I was still willing to gather crumbs off the floor and be grateful. That isn't happening again.
Originally Posted By: sandi2
You keep bringing up how you've had the kids nearly every weekend for 14 months. You are the only one who can change it.
I agree but I do find it hard to not feel guilty. When I don't see the kids for a week it's very easy for the guilt to get to me. Last time I saw them was last Wednesday. I tried to set up Skype Sunday and Monday but it never happened (W said she had to reset phone on Sunday and Monday it was "too manic").
Once I have drove down there, drove back, spent all weekend with the kids and done the journey there and back again it relieves my guilt completely. 9 days of not seeing them brings it back and W pushing me doesn't help that at all.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
T1000- I was astonished to read how she uses the kids against you so easily, and doesn't mind being called out on it. I 100% agree with Sandi, if she loves being a mom then why does she want to get rid of them so much? I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this nonsense.
Thanks Lip,
It's her anger that drives her responses and it's something she has never really dealt with properly. What she says and what she does rarely tally up.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
