Hi. I am so sorry you are here, but, you are among some of the most wonderful people you will ever get to "know".
So, first things first. It is important to self care. Sleep, eat, exercise, rest, pray if you are so inclined.
Have you read Divorce Remedy? If you havent, you should. That is the info we base our advice on.
Cadet will be along with some other things you should read.
Go to the Newcomers forum and look up Sandi's rules. Those are good things for you to know and do.
If you h is in a MLC, it is a long haul. You have to decide if you want to try to outlast it. It is a marathon, not a sprint.
If you decide to walk this journey, you will be forever changed.
Dbing is about becoming your best you and sometimes it saves marriages.
So, in order for us to help you, it would help if you can tell us a bit about your marriage and some of the complaints your h has.
You can use that information to figure out what changes you want to make.
But understand that just because he said it, doesnt make it so. You need to think about it and decide whether it has merit. If it does, it is a change you should try to make. Not to save your marriage, but, because you want to be your best self.
The changes should always be for you because if they arent, he will see right through them and they wont stick.
You will hear us say to GAL (get a life). It means to keep busy, find focus, connect with people. It is the best way to begin detaching. And that is necessary in order to get through this.
Your h is in crisis. Believe none of what he says and half of what he does. The MLCer is in pain. He knows that he is unhappy and cannot figure out why. So, he self medicates, usually with another person(Ow or Om).
He lashes out at the person closest to him. He thinks that you are the reason for his unhappiness. He thinks if he can get rid of you, that will solve all his problems.
So, do not call him unless it is absolutely necessary. Do not plead or cry. This is pressure to him and will cause him to run faster.
Please know that you will get through this and you will be ok. We will be here to help you.
