However, there may be some misunderstanding regarding the status of my sitch. I am aware of my W affair. She has no idea that I am aware of it. I discovered it 7/16/13. So, at this point, how could she assume I'm ok with an open marriage or her A in general.
That does change the dynamics quite a bit -- thanks for clarifying that for me.
I'm still inclined to try to do whatever is possible to kill an affair as soon as possible ("separate the addict from the source of their addiction"), just due to all of the legal, financial, emotional and even medical harm that each continued week of infidelity can wreak on the family. But it does change the whole "she's losing respect -- and therefore attraction -- for me, because she sees I'm not trying to stop her" dynamic.
I don't think you can have it both ways, though: if you believe strongly enough in PEAs and the "affair fog" (and I do), then it seems to me that you'd be doing everything rational in your power to separate her from the source of her addiction. You seem to be taking a position of "This is a horrible thing she is going through, but I'm going to let her go through it while I work on myself, because I've been such an a$$ in the past." I just don't get that, but it IS your prerogative.
