I am hanging out with friends tonight and my H has been calling. I have nit answered and he also continues to text if he should eat without me. Based on my DB coaching, he can eat alone. I am not going to be cruel, but I will tell him I made other plans and to eat without me.
I am really enjoying my time out and I don't feel guilty.
Wow. . It feels good.
That sounds really positve MP Keep up the good work I agree with Mr Bond, you should change your username
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
No comments from me on the text – not needed - You know what you did and why you did it!
In general I will once again recommend that before you take steps like this consult the board and then make the decision. Time is your buddy and you still have plenty!
And then to the point of this post: T recommended me reading Psycho Cybernetics and I just want to pass this recommendation forward to you. I am half way through and although I believe I need to go through this several times to really get it, I believe already that this book will do me much good.
Look into it and especially the part about happiness.
As always – all the best!
F
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
No comments from me on the text – not needed - You know what you did and why you did it!
In general I will once again recommend that before you take steps like this consult the board and then make the decision. Time is your buddy and you still have plenty!
And then to the point of this post: T recommended me reading Psycho Cybernetics and I just want to pass this recommendation forward to you. I am half way through and although I believe I need to go through this several times to really get it, I believe already that this book will do me much good.
Look into it and especially the part about happiness.
As always – all the best!
F
It's a long audiobook 10+ hours and I have listened to it through at least 5 times at the beginning of the year and I still go back to it to refresh. I'm listening to it again now. I think it adds to the whole beginners mind and you can look at nearly everything with new eyes and how to consistently change how you see yourself.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
That sounds like a good book, I've just ordered one though called Change Your Life and Everyone In It, so I'll be concentrating on that one first. I'll add the Psycho Cybernetics to my list of books to read Hope you're ok today HWA
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Thanks F, T1000 and TTD180. I will take a look at that book/audio tape. I already have quite a collection of self help books I have been reading/still reading. TTD180, the rollercoaster ride is going uphill at the moment. Though I got a call from HR yesterday, to call them back. So will need to ring today. I am presuming it is about the transfer, fingers crossed it is a positive one. F, I do try to ask the forum for their views, but once we have an idea we do tend to want to do something about it. When there is very little reply (I understand others are not sitting at their computers ready to reply asap), it is hard not to go with the only answers you receive. While I do have plenty of time, it is a struggle with the emotional side taking that time.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
I agree about waiting for a reply, sometimes I act before I get a reply and usually it's an oops. Glad the roller coaster is going uphill for you at the mo I think mine's stopped halfway, lol. My H is ok at the mo, but my mum is being awful! Hope the HR phone call will be good news Whatever way it goes, I always think that it is meant to be! Depending on whether you're religious or not, it's either fate or God intervening in your sitch
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
F, I do try to ask the forum for their views, but once we have an idea we do tend to want to do something about it. When there is very little reply (I understand others are not sitting at their computers ready to reply asap), it is hard not to go with the only answers you receive. While I do have plenty of time, it is a struggle with the emotional side taking that time.
I know and I do understand but you have to realize that this is a struggle you can win. You can beat your emotions! It will be a struggle for you but you can win this! You and I have had this discussion several times already – You act on feelings and this time you did again.
This text could easily wait a day, two or seven – it would have made no difference, but your feelings told you otherwise and therefore you send it.
If I read your postings right then on sep 6. You wrote that you will apply 48 hour rule and on sep. 8 you wrote that you sent the text yesterday. On the 6. It was about the car and everybody tells you to lay low and then you sent “I miss you”. You had the answers but IMHO you were simply looking for an opening to contact W – when you didn’t get it your emotions invented one.
I am not judging if the text was right or wrong but I am telling you that you act on feelings/emotions and I truly believe this won’t get you anywhere with W for a long time. I am glad you realized this but do try to beat those emotions next time.
Originally Posted By: HWA
Downloaded the audio and book.
Good! I still need to finish this for the first, second and at least third time to comprehend it, but it says a lot about emotions contra fact and so on – I hope you will get something good from it. I know I will.
As usual all is well meant and I am sorry if I come out somewhat harsh!
All the best
F
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
F, you are absolutely right. The text could have waited for longer, if it even needed to be sent. I did wait about a day and half (bssed on different time zones), but should have waited longer. I suppose I finally sent it on the Sunday morning, with the hope that we might have talked later that day. Rather than during the week which was quite busy. Again, I should have just waited. I understand you are not judging, just saying what needs to be sent. In a way, by sending it and getting no reply, has just put me into more understanding of what she feels/wants. That is to simply not contact or reply, unless she needs something. Pretty well has been the history since BD. I get it now.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
So a new focus to be added. Stop letting the emotion control my actions. I have to accept that emotion will be part of my sitch. What I need to really do is not allow it to make me do or consider actions that are not in the best of DB principles.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
