Not Again?!

[doubledown]

Starsky:

I am in agreement with you regarding the setting of boundaries and standing by those boundaries.

However, there may be some misunderstanding regarding the status of my sitch. I am aware of my W affair. She has no idea that I am aware of it. I discovered it 7/16/13. So, at this point, how could she assume I'm ok with an open marriage or her A in general.

This is the biggest and most significant chanllenge of my life. I realize I only have one shot at addressing the A for the first time. When I do that, I want my wife to have had the benefit of observing what can be our relationship in the future, should she choose to recommitt to our marriage.

With all the knowledge I've gained in reading DR and participating in this online community, I don't think it's a wise move to disregard critical facts such as the "affair fog". If my W isn't in a frame of mind to think rationally, why would I want to pursue that route? I want to lowest risk possible of pushing her into OM arms! I believe time is a benefit to me at this point.

I am not a weak man. I'm a thoughtful man. I prefer to process all the information I have before making a decision or taking action that cannot be reversed.

I think by demonstrating to my W, over several months, that I can change and am doing so on my own accord, seeking therapy to help me improve my personality issues and attempting to make me the man only a fool wold leave is the best option I have at convincing her to rejoin me and sever her relationship with OM.

I cannot control my W. I can only provide her with what she has asked for over the years. A kinder, loving, patient and considerate husband for her and father to our boys.

Calling her out this early in my personal project would not achieve the desired results.

At this point, I can only dream of successfully rebuilding my marriage as you have. Congratulations to you. That is a true achievement.

Thank you for your advice and input on my sitch. Please continue to provide your insight, as I find it all very valuable during this troubling and challenging time.