I don't know how it works this way but our WAS S absolutely know when we are truly and sincerely detached and when we are not. It is uncanny to me how they can "smell" fake detachment from the real thing. The more you can really really make detachment real for you the better off you will be. I describe it now like I am almost an observer watching a play while standing in the wings of the theatre stage. This is how detachment feels for me and it has been slow in coming.
But the good news is, when you can "get there", it feels so much better because you are not as invested emotionally in an unhealthy way. It really does feel empowering. And when we start to experience and really live the benefits of real detachment, the message /vibe we send out is clear and transparent to all, including your W. She will see it when it is sincere. Only then will she begin to grapple with the reality of losing you. But you can't do it for her. You do it for you. And it has to be the real deal. Not pretend detachment.
Good luck. You can do this. It definitely is a process. Step by step. And in my experience you can't really frog leap any of the steps. Keep your focus and stay strong.
