One giant leap forward! - Part 6

[T1000]

T,

Is it just me or is this recent convo between you and W some kind of dejavu?

As I recall she did all this not that long ago – threatening, punitive, name calling and so on. Afterwards she went in the opposite direction.
If so she will properly come at you again!

Yep a very similar conversation on the 5th July. It wouldn't surprise if the pattern repeats itself. Her talk of Christmas makes me think of her, OM and the kids on xmas vacation and that is hard but I'm starting to accept it as part of my life (or not as the case may be).

You have properly written this somewhere but even though I have read all your threads I don’t remember:
When will S4 start preschool? (5y in England as I recall but not sure)
She moved 1½ hour drive away and most of the kids’ activities will be in her area?

S4 starts school next September. I have no idea what S4 will be signed up for as he is autistic. At some point I may end up moving much nearer to W's town but now isn't the time, I have way too much going on, the house isn't even close to selling and when I remortgage it won't be worth selling.

I think the first thing you have to do is sort out your own wishes!
How do you think a schedule for the kids should be over a year?
Hollidays, Christmas, new-year, Easter, weekends, sports, friends – you will have to take it all into consideration and make a doable and fair schedule. Post it here, get comments and then meet up with W and talk about it.
If this doesn’t work the two of you will need assistance

I don't know if she is really wanting to plan the next few months or she is simply pushing me. She spends a fair bit of time announcing to me that she needs to plan it all when it feels more like a reason to start something.

When she said "Oh my F*ckin g*d" I should have left the conversation.

Or even earlier! You will do this next time. Perhaps you could make it a rule that when she start swearing, talking nasty or saying subjective unpleasant things you stop her.
I still believe convos like this should not be texted!

I agree about when to step away. I have mentioned in the past that when we have something to discuss if it can wait until a better time and place we should do that. She said she has to deal with it in the moment.
All I can do is pull back and not join in.

I would start working on the schedule and then leave it up to her to initiate communication for now.

I have only contacted her about Skyping the kids (which we planned last night but never happened) and similar things.

And the one more thing:

I don't know.

This one also makes me recall discussions in your thread about you being manipulative, indecisive or something like that – I don’t recall the exact words but you properly do. She will get pi$$ed every time you do this so instead consider going with:
I will look into that and get back to you in a few days.
I will need to sort out work first and then I will….

It was about me beating around the bush and not giving an answer even though I could, so I could back out at a later date.
I have been quite careful to not repeat this pattern. Me saying no to having the kids on the weekend she wanted off was me not beating around the bush.
Me saying "I don't know" was the case and was a bit short on info but I still didn't know.

Tough one, T – I think the job you have done with the kids is tremendous. Few fathers do that much and you should feel proud, so in short I also think you are an awesome farther.

All the best

F

Thanks F, it hurts when W says these things. I have had quite a few people, even both IC and MC say that what I have done by having the kids every weekend most fathers wouldn't do. I try not to let it effect me.