Acceptance...

[Live4myDay]

Thanks BA. I feel I'm moving more forward than backwards these days. I caught myself thinking of picture of X and it went off track to that sickening feeling in your gut when I put emotion and feelings of him and OW with the thoughts racing back. I had to yell STOP to make myself aware of what i was doing...sabatogging my recovery!

I say a lot of thank you's releasing gratitude and try to mail personal cards to people that pop up in my thoughts.

I've actually set a goal to try to make the race team in a dragon boat club i recently joined. They have a big event in October.

And my D and I joined the Financial peace university classes at our church which starts Tue nite.

My part-time job has been cut back to 1-2 days only which I'm undecided about. Cant work full time with caring for D and the job really is a full time position. I had to just let it go in the best interst of organization. But, I feel like failure again. Something my X always called me out on...I start things but can't finish them. or my explainations were always excuses to him.

On another note, D told me her dad wants to plan Christmas in the Keys with OW and talks of his side of family...gut reaction once gain. Something weve done in past years several times as a family. Hard to be excluded.

D is considering it. I asked how she felt about meeting OW and she said she wnts to...but I also said meeting and spending a week for holiday is 2 different things. Sharing your dad with OW and the realities of his relationship is another. Hurts just imaging it. How can he not see or feel how awkward and disturbing it is?? Iguess for me only. Havent heard from S about his thoughts yet.

Tmr my D scheduled conference call with X and FIL and myself in regards to another stem cell treatment this Dec over college break. Hmm...not trying to get too anxious over it. Its mostly between my D and them however I may get questioned in regards to my opinion. In the past I've just always thought they were patronizing me but D says I need to speak up. So I feel I may have to express my new "confident" self this time (a 180 for sure).

Any ideas or thoughts would be glad to hear from you all since this will be one of the few chances I get to interact.