For redemption you must first hold yourself mentally and emotionally responsible AND accountable for whatever it is you did. Second, for redemption, once must ask for forgiveness. Who you ask for forgiveness from can be a number of people and/or beings.
Once these things are done the responsibilities that remain are to your child and any formal agreements you had with your ex.
You can fulfill all of those things without disrespecting yourself. Making up for the things you did does not require you to bring yourself down, it requires you to bring the both of you up. It does not require you to be lowered by doing anything and everything whenever she wants at any whim, it requires both of you to rise to respecting each other. You being at her whim is not respectful yourself, her expecting you to be at her whim is not her respecting you.
It's all about balance. To simplify it look at it like this - lets say during your relationship you never did the laundry. To redeem yourself of this you would not take on the full responsibility of doing the laundry all by yourself for the rest of your relationship - you would agree that it is a dual responsibility and from that point on you would share that responsibility. Do you see the difference?
