To all, maybe 2x4's it is. But for me it was one of those things I needed to do. Similar to others who write letters (done that in the beginning), I reached a point that it felt right. 1. After the tattoo pic and defriending on Facebook, I needed to at least let her know I care and miss her. 2. In my own way, in 8 days I will possibly be offered a transfer. If I get it, we will be 1000kms apart for the next year. So it was a small attempt at a kind of last resort. 3. Based on a DR principle of if it doesn't work try something different. Yes, I could have written a text saying "have a great day" or "remember that time when". 4. I just felt the need to do it. Simple as that. I thought about it for a while, wrote it on the forum. And at the time the only replies were positives as long as I was prepared for the worse. I was. 5. It hasn't affected me that she didn't reply. If anything it helps with moving on.
I know all our sitch's are different, but I have struggled with the lack of contact my W has done, especially when it cannot be proved if she is in a relationship. The way my W has changed her personality from a loving mother who would/want to see her boys every possible moment, to someone who wants to spend her holidays away from them. Combined with solicitors being involved (even though no reply for nearly two months), in laws family and good friend deleting me on Facebook (without at least the friend saying why).
TTD180: both my W and I were forced to go country 3 years ago as part of a compulsory service with the Education Dept. We are about 1000klms away from our home/area we have lived in since 1993. After 3 years we can apply to go back to our original area or a new area. I applied for this, the W didn't. I find out if I get my transfer in 8 days. My W will be here for another year at least. Based on what she told her family since day 1 of BD, she wants to be here for a very long time. Considering we both hated this place right up until the friend came along, it is simply another change in her that I have to accept.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
TTD180: both my W and I were forced to go country 3 years ago as part of a compulsory service with the Education Dept. We are about 1000klms away from our home/area we have lived in since 1993. After 3 years we can apply to go back to our original area or a new area. I applied for this, the W didn't. I find out if I get my transfer in 8 days. My W will be here for another year at least. Based on what she told her family since day 1 of BD, she wants to be here for a very long time. Considering we both hated this place right up until the friend came along, it is simply another change in her that I have to accept.
Thanks for putting me right on this now I'm not confused anymore, lol. You W could change her mind though in a year or two and decide to join you. I wouldn't give up all hope of her ever wanting to be near you and especially her boys again. I think for the WAS, the children seem to come second place. I do find this strange though that a mother would not want to arrange anything with her own sons. Just shows how much of a fog our WAS's are in. At one stage my H seemed to be missing his son more, but then he decided that work was more important than seeing his son and he didn't see him for 3 weeks. He works for himself, so he can choose whether to work on that day or not! I know money is important to him, but then so is his son! That upsets me more than my current sitch. I've not commented on the other things that you wrote here because you know that I fully backed your decision to get in touch with your W.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
HWA..you have my backing also. I don't see that as pursuing, just showing your softer side to a women you have loved for a very long time. I hope you don't have any regrets about it.
Thanks GALbaby, I appreciate that. No, I don't regret it. It is just another sad part of what is happening with the W. I am just going to continue to GAL, 180 and try to move on. At the end of the day (or marriage), I can proudly say I tried everything possible to the best of my ability.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Good for you HWA good post galbaby Keep on keeping on HWA
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
I am hanging out with friends tonight and my H has been calling. I have nit answered and he also continues to text if he should eat without me. Based on my DB coaching, he can eat alone. I am not going to be cruel, but I will tell him I made other plans and to eat without me.
I am really enjoying my time out and I don't feel guilty.
Wow. . It feels good.
OLD THREAD: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2380569#Post2380569
Me: 44 Him: 51 Married: 9 years Together: 14 years
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
I'm not confused anymore, lol. You W could change her mind though in a year or two and decide to join you. I wouldn't give up all hope of her ever wanting to be near you and especially her boys again.