I have to respectfully disagree MrBond, forgiveness does not mean saying someone has "the right" to certain actions. That would mean condoning those actions which should never be expected of someone who has been victimized. Is a victim who forgives a rapist ever expected to say that the rapist had "the right to those actions"? Of course not - that would be ludicrous. Forgiveness is meant to release the injured party from feelings of negativity and resentment, not to condone the actions that caused harm.
Likewise Raine, forgiveness does not mean that the victimized party needs to care about the perpetrator. Again, to use the terrible example of a rape victim who does not know their assailant but forgives them - they do not form a care-based relationship with the rapist. It is, as you said, more about "washing their hands of it" or more accurately, moving forward and leaving the associated negativity behind. As such, I no longer have a care-based relationship with my STBXW. I am forgiving her for me, not for her - that does not mean saying that her actions were anything other than undeniably wrong.
I always refer back to this Mayo Clinic definition of forgiveness which I've found very helpful:
"Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.
Forgiveness doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life."
On Friday we go to court; a sad end to a long chapter of my life. I will never really understand what happened but I will move forward in a new life and I will find happiness. While I have not entirely gotten over the pain of being betrayed and abandoned, it gets easier every day to move into a place of peace. ____________________________ "In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer." -- Albert Camus
Me:39 WAW:38 M:9 T:19, No Kids EA/PA with co-worker:9/24/12, ILYBINILWY, S:9/25/12 EA/PA ongoing, MC 9/12-12/12 D: 9/13/13
