In DB language, we usually use all of the techniques first, and THEN the last resort technique.
Because it can end your marriage, but it is also often effective, when most everything you're doing looks like a desperate ploy--it's a strong 180.
But sometimes you are left with not the end of the marriage and still no marriage. That is the AFTER the last resort technique. That has to be when you have decided to end your marriage, but you are willing to leave your partner a crack to shape up or ship out. In this instance, it isn't likely to work. And yet some have had some success because of it, and some in spite of it. Exposing the affair falls into this realm and DB does NOT recommend it all because it is most likely to irreparably end your marriage. I've seen it over again.
Better than this, Starsky is very good at explaining boundaries. So are some of the other vets.
The best parents teach boundaries to their children. The best parents are really giving that boundary to themselves--when you do this, you can count on, with love, that I will behave in this manner because your boundary is unacceptable to me.
The best parents start with responses that are light but undesired, less game time, less of this, etc, It is not a 3 week grounding from all pleasure.
The other DB techniques help with this...change the what, the who, the how, the time. Play with other consequences before ever thinking about exposure. Look to hit her where she needs it, but that is shy of essential $ and humiliation. But you can certainly make thinggs less easy. Ensure you never reward her for bad behavior.
