Not Again?!

[doubledown]

Hi HS: Thanks for your thoughts and suggestions on my sitch.

Believe me, I understand everything you are saying here. From where you're sitting, I probably look like a very weak man. However, I'm approaching this the way I am because I provided years of challenges, criticisms and judgements to my wife. I made her life miserable and I was unwilling to look at myself as a big part of our problems over the years. My W asked me on several occasions to make changes, get help and meet her in the middle over the past 10 years.

Unfortunately, it took me discovering her A with this OM to jar me loose from my "cheeseless Tunnels".

The problem now is I want to fix my marriage. My W wanted to for years and I wasn't willing to recognize that I was a huge part of the problem. Granted, she contributed plenty as well, but agian, she's involved with the OM, I'm the one who has realized that keeping my W and saving our marriage/family is the most important thing in my life!

I've told her on many occasions that I would make changes. I was going to turn over a new leaf. Sure, I made some improvements. But they didn't last a month. I would slip back into the same behaviors that got me here. So, I believe that I have to genuinely demonstrate that I can change and that I want to change. I want to be the father my kids deserve and the husband that my wife expects and deserves.

That means sucking it up. Taking it in the teeth. Is that weakness? Really? It's actually the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I don't know the deatils of your situation, but I do know watching my W walk in the door, knowing she was with the OM and accepting it for now, takes a lot more strength than you may think. I need to prove myself to her. Granted, her choices right now are wrong, but they're her choices. I need to work as hard as I can to encourage her to choose me again!

I could respond differently. I could be emotional, angry, demanding and draw lines in the sand, but I don't think I've earned that yet. I have a lot of work to do. But the time will come.

AgainHS, thanks for your input. I do apprecaite all perspectives here.