BC, Wow. I'm glad that you are getting signs of genuine affection from your wife. I'll have to ponder this a bit as in my own situation, my wife and I didn't ML for a year and a half while she was involved with her EA. Her affections towards me waned noticeably over that same period until they were about nonexistent! In fact, I didn't receive what you are getting until she went NC with the other man. Perhaps your wife is feeling genuine hope that you can, in fact, really be the husband that she wants for herself. If this is the case, I would agree with what seems to be her present sentiment that you table any R talks for now, and really take time to enjoy each others company. Your main mission right now is to speak as many of her love languages (or emotional needs) as you can, become an expert in doing what makes her feel loved and happy.
I would also remind you to keep the pressure off of her when it comes to the physical side. I know your concern is that you do most of the initiating, but it will most likely be that way for a while. Try not to stress about it - I would bet my bottom dollar that once you have fully restored your love together, and continue to meet her needs (whatever her greatest are), she will begin to initiate too . Enjoy the hand holding, light touches and caresses- they are EVERY BIT as important to her as ML is for you.
One thing that I learned (and a lot of folks here will profess) is that you cannot return to your old marriage. The only way to survive this trauma is to create a new, better marriage- TOGETHER. The two of you are, perhaps, beginning to define what that new relationship will look like. It should be an exciting time for you .
-HS
P.s. there will be time, later, for R talk. I would wait at this point as things seem to be improving for you.
. Enjoy the hand holding, light touches and caresses- they are EVERY BIT as important to her as ML is for you. 