HS - regarding my own sitch - your evaluation is totally incorrect.
I am not motivated by "fear of confrontation" - in fact I did confront H whenever evidence of an affair or past affair came up, and I did demand that he stop it. (this is different from DD's sitch because I did not have any major things to fix on my side.) the concern that I wrote about was not "fear of confronting" but the possibility that even after I confronted him, H might be continuing his behavior but just managing to hide it better, which is made easier by his work/travel schedule. or, my suspicions could be all in my mind, as in "once burned, twice shy". the only way to know for sure (even if I would "set boundaries") would be to hire a PI, which is wayyy out of my budget. and, since H's affairs in the past were sporadic, it wouldn't be conclusive anyway if the PI didn't find anything on a specific occasion. it would be worse than a waste of money.
when I mentioned that H is well-known in his field, that wasn't to imply that I am intimidated by him in any way - in fact we built up his business together, and I have an equal part in his success, even though his role is more visible. I only mentioned his professional role to explain why our clients are so impressed with him.
and I didn't ask for your advice on my sitch. in fact, you'll probably note that I haven't written in my own thread for a while. following that discussion, and after noting the advice from other members of the forum, I re-contacted my DB coach (who knows more details about my sitch than what I wrote in the forum) and I am now following my coach's advice and strategy. in fact, I have not seen any actual signs of an affair for at least a year and a half, and H's relationship towards me has improved a lot since I last wrote in my thread.
in any event, I am certainly not going to reread your advice, that **totally** doesn't apply to my sitch. reading it once was once too many.
