I did not mean to dissuade you from posting -- I was trying to encourage you to take action and use the good advice you have received. I think you understand that your wife wants you to stand up for yourself, particularly when she pushes you, and that giving in to her, being quiet or being submissive is the wrong answer, despite the fact that it seems it may upset her in the moment.

This is the key to your sitch and I think you know it.

It's like there is a switch you have to flip. You can ask about books on switch-flipping, courses on how to prepare to flip the switch, advice for how to unlearn not flipping the switch etc etc but at some point, it comes down to you just taking action and doing it.

If you don't take action, you get into analysis paralysis and will ask the same questions and raise the same issues again and again, because you are just perpetually stuck in the same place until you take action.

I encourage you to post if it helps, but it would be great to see you start "doing" and stop analyzing

Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015