let's start at the end, shall we?

[KindaHappy1]

I met up with an old friend this weekend and it was very therapeutic for me. We were friends in high school, and then after I got married, I kind of put the friendship on hiatus. I know that this was one of my issues, loosing my individual identity in the marriage. I did it in the beginning so she wouldn't be upset. In the end, I think I was just too boring and just not that fun.

My friend has been through quite a bit. He is on his second marriage and has been in therapy for a few years. I didn't really get into DB with him, but his suggestion was doing a big 180 and filing for divorce. I explained that I wanted to wait and try Retrouvaille, which he respected, but said I should at least see a lawyer to be prepared if things don't get any better form the weekend.

My marriage is dead. I can see that now, and I can see that all my hopes are just dreams. W is so done with me as a spouse. I questioned whether we should even go to retroV. I did talk to the W about it, and told her that I really don't think we should go if we both aren't willing to try. She said that she thinks we should go and that we have nothing to loose.

I'm not going to let that get my hopes up. I am just going to see what happens, and if the weekend doesn't help, and we aren't both on board to the follow up sessions, I will try to see that it is time to give up on reconciliation and move on. I can't live in this limbo for very long. I don't know how some of you who have been doing this for over a year can cope.

I am so happy that I have reconnected with this guy. I hope that this will be a big change and will help reboot my social life.