I have a lot to learn though about how I view him. And I how I treat him. I need to remeber that my thoughts become actions and words. He is on his own journey and while it may hurt me at times still, I cant do anything about it and I cannot continue to judge him.
That is awesome!!! Sounds like you are doing much better and that is nice to hear.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
If you recall my nephew (H's brother's son) came to live with us for a year. Well, he went back home yesterday. He was asked to leave his place of work experience (the school I work at) as he was simply unable to follow the rules and expectations he was given. It was a tough week (he was let go last week). Very emotional and stressful. HIs father and family were very disappointed in him and were H and myself. I had several talks with him about turning inwards and being authentic with himself. Not running from his problems and facing his insecurities and fears head on (DB style!). He is only 18 I know. I do however think a little bit got through. I wish him the best and we miss him dearly. He will probably go into the armed forces for a few years.
It was hard to have him go for other reasons too. Me and the kids kind of feel like 'someone is leaving us again'. Of course I know it is not the case, but thats how it felt the day we found out he was leaving. I actually blocked it out for 12 hours before I let myself accept it and deal with it for what it was.
I continue to remain focused on the here and now. I am enjoying my time with the kids, GAL and work. I have heard whispers from a couple of sources that things with H and OW are in a downwards spiral.
I have observed, sometimes interestingly, that WHEN we text lately (always with a reason: kids, nephew, etc) the interaction is more pleasant and friendly. There has been some more interest in the kids' emotional states. There is a response. I even got a funny comment and a smiley face at one point. I do not let it change me or my path. nor do I take it as a sign or put meaning into it. If anything, if he has really split up with OW, I only hope he uses time alone to start figuring out his path and who he wants to be. I pray that its to focus on being an engaged father once again. He is still living in Dubai, still claiming its for work. Nothing has changed for the reality of the sitch for me and the kids.
Me and the kids have booked a holiday for our mid semester break in October. We are going on a 4 day safari in Kenya! we are SOOOO excited. Its the first trip I book for me and the kids without H, and an actual holiday (i.e. not travelling to Egypt or Germany to go see family).
I am starting to feel more and more 'normal' (the new normal) about mine and the kids' life. I finally can see the turbulence H brings when he comes and I do not welcome it.
I also sometimes feel shocked when i think of what has happened in the past three years. The reality of my sitch still amazes me. It does not however, define me anymore. Its a part of me. I now choose though who I want to be every single day. I feel lonely more often. But not in a desperate way. I am happy with myself. I have no problems or fear anymore being alone or spending time alone. I am recognising though that I do crave being able to share my life with another adult as well as my kids. For now, this is where I am supposed to be and I am focused on enjoying each moment. Even when the kids drive me insane :-)
Love you all x
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Woohoo busting is rocking!!! you sound great. It is amazing the change in our attitude, when we realize that we have to power to choose to be calm and okay with ourselves. I never truly understood the meaning of "choose to be happy" or "choose to allow people to push our buttons".
I am happy for you, keep rocking on.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Dear friend - you sound GREAT and I am so happy for you. I am so proud of you for deciding to go on a vacation with your kids. I have done a couple of weekend trips with the kids (and my sister came along, which was a huge help). It was a mixture of feelings - nice to make new memories, but also sadness that H wasn't there. But at the end of the day, it's our reality and I am glad I took that step forward. You will have a blast in Kenya, I am sure!
It's nice to see you moving along in your path - with your strength and attitude, it can only get better.
(((((((busting))))))
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
Busting, you’ve come a long way. I’m happy to hear that you are doing good. It’s no surprise that things with OW started to go sour. Keep on your path and enjoy your kids and your life.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
