Someone had to take a leave of absence at work, and FT has been filling in. Sooo, I've had to see her everyday this week. She hasn't exactly given me the nicest of looks. Guess the "I'm so sorry for being such a bad friend" facade has worn off
ugh!
H came up to bed Saturday night and spent the night in bed. Sunday morning, the kids came charging in the room bright and early. They climbed into bed with us, and wanted to watch tv.
They climbed under the covers, and the four of us snuggled in bed watching tv. It was a first. To have our family together like that meant so much to me.
H seemed very happy and content
Love this!
This place has truly been a lifesaver for me. I absolutely could not have made it this far without all the support and concern from the wonderful people here.
But, I found myself obsessing about being on here. I found myself reading and posting here instead of doing other things. Instead of reading a book before bed, I was here. Instead of going to bed early to catch up on sleep, I was here. There were even times instead of playing with my kids, I was here.
I so understand. We needed the frequent interaction for a time. I'm still posting as hopefully an encouragement to others. But I'm not reading the sitches like I had been and feel a little guilty about that.
But this is here for those who need it. And I will always treasure those times when I delved deep into the archives and received nourishment and healing from the posts here
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Totally understand about the obsession to be here. Without the knowledge and support, we could all have turned into alien's ourselves. Thank goodness for it. You have experienced about one of the worst things in life and you needed reasurance and comfort. However, it can take over your thoughts and I also found myself craving to get back to check in on everyone many times throughout the day.
Lately I am just keeping up with the few close friends that I have made and giving support. Not talking so much about my sitch. I guess things have moved far enough along for me to be comfortable and secure in my R and that I don't need constant reassurance about what is going on. Our job prospects have improved and life is good after a long period of uncertainty.
Even so I will never forget what I have learned or take my M for granted again. I will always hope for the very best for everyone who is drawn here. There are real people behind the words that we read, there is so much sadness and hurt, but there is also hope.
TVS I'm glad things are looking up a little, I'm glad for your family time together. I hope it that you can continue to make those wonderful memories together. That is something your H will never have with FT.
Still hanging around a bit here and there. Life continues to be busy and full, and that's a very good thing
Thanks WH, rH, and Gal - I am always thankful for my cheering section helping me along
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So, last weekend was my birthday...
It was a big one too. 40. Haven't noticed any big difference so far
I had come up with this idea a few weeks before my birthday that I was going to ask H to do something with me. At this point I thought, what the hell? If he says no, then he says no. But I felt l would regret not asking.
Ends up, he asked me to do something! First, he asked me if I wanted a party. (Which I didn't) I told him that I wanted to go to a local outdoor adventure center, and he was fine with it.
As the day drew closer, the weather forecast did not look good. So after debating what I should do, I told him I would take a raincheck on the adventure center and do dinner and a movie instead.
My birthday was a mixture of good and bad. Would you expect anything less? Lol!
The Good: ~ H and boys took me out to breakfast ~ H surprised me with a cake - he's never bought me a cake since I've known him! ~ H made an effort to look good - got dressed up, shaved, put on cologne ~ dinner was really nice. We went to a restaurant that is a special occasion place for us. H seemed relaxed, only texted a few times, and we had good conversation
The Bad: ~ out of control texting during the day before our date.At times, I couldn't even get his attention he was so focused on the damn phone! ~ I did not get a card or gift from the boys. Disappointing. ~ he seemed a little awkward at the movie. Fidgety, like he didn't know what to do with himself
Considering the last time we went out on a date was December 2011, I think it went pretty darn good.
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H comes up to bed every night now. Sometimes as early as 11:00, sometimes as late as 3:00. There have been a few times where I think he saw her, and then did not come up. This has become the exception though.
He really seems to enjoy the weekends when the kids come into the bedroom. He has also been calling it "our bedroom" consistently instead of "your bedroom".
Baby steps, baby steps...
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I found an interesting thing on my work laptop the other week.
H borrowed it awhile ago, and must have paid our cell phone bill online. I think h didn't realize that in the documents folder was a copy of our phone logs.
Very interesting, my friends.
She definitely calls him more. Their conversations are usually pretty short. Even when I was away at the beach or my spa trip, they really didn't talk that much.
A few days after I came home from my trip, I saw that they had a brief phone call, then he called three different hotels for a city a few hours away. This is a place I know he has taken her before, has used fishing and golf trips as alibis.
He had asked about going away there for a golfing trip while we were on our family vacation. He ended up not going.
Even though I knew they talked, it still hurt to see the hard evidence. On the other hand, never know when this may come in handy down the line...
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I'm frustrated because I feel the A is on it's last legs, have felt it for awhile now. It's just taking so damn long to end!
I'm guessing that just as I feel my H inching closer to me, she feels him pulling away. At this point, I think the changes in him are pretty noticeable.
We went to a family function yesterday, one that which H didn't go to last year because he didn't feel like it.
He acted normal, social. Was attentive with the boys.
Then... A ton of texting after we got home. Today, he supposedly went golfing with a buddy, then back to his house to watch football.
I don't know. Sometimes I just get a vibe about things. My vibe says he saw her.
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I'm looking forward to fall, always love the change in seasons.
Summer was big for us, I really saw a lot of movement from H during that time. I also felt a lot of growth from me as well.
I love this time of year, and look forward to enjoying all the fall holidays with my boys.
Keep popping that popcorn folks!
Sorry for the super long post. Thanks for reading along
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
Your h is cooking up slowly, but nicely. It can get frustrating at times, but you can't rush him or the process. He's come a long way in the last year and he is inching his way to the finish line. The ow is still attempting to hold on to him, but some day soon, he will get tired of it and the texting and calls will cease.
I hope that you and your little ones are doing well. Fall is definitely right around the corner.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi TVS... popping in to say hi... still following along with you and hearing about the progress with h.
Good luck ... it must be challenging on your patience.
Magic
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Hi TVS! Didn't even notice the post was long! I soaked in every word of it.
As tough as it is, I DO think the cell phone track was very positive in that she calls HIM more and they don't talk as much as possible.
I know what you mean about having the evidence in front of you being more painful than just guessing, for sure!
You must be so weary! Perhaps your H is weary too. But I'm so happy he is participating more and more, little by little. As you said, baby steps, baby steps.
I had a totally awesome weekend! I will post later when I have opportunity. When I opened the door to the hotel suite Saturday night, my first thought was if only my DB peeps could experience this with their beloved's!
If H works his way out of this depression, your time may be coming for a sweet victory. But even if he doesn't, I see you are victorious already in being in control of your life, your emotions, your family. You're one awesome chick!
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
tvs, I'm digging right along with you. day at a time is all I can do. sometimes consider just throwing in the towel. h is stubborn. Im not getting any younger!but, being busy right now for me is good and so that is where I keep my focus.
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
Thank you for all of your responses. They mean so much. When I am having a tough moment, I read your support and it helps me through.
Snodderly ~ yes, H is cooking up slowly for sure. He's definitely in the MLC crock pot and not deep fryer!
It is frustrating, but I understand that slow is the way to go. I'm frustrated with myself too, that the worthless A is still hurtful to me after all this time.
Hi magic! Thanks for stopping by. It's a long road, that's for sure. Hope you are doing well on your journey
Hey rH! Thanks for the encouragement, this seems to be a tough part of the journey I'm in right now. I've thought that at other times along the way, but I've really been using my patience shovel lately!
I do keep up with your thread, and continue to be thrilled that you are rediscovering your love for each other. A true dream come true
Will~ thanks for stopping by. Yes, one day at a time is what we need to do. And every once in awhile, I look back, and see how far I've already come. It helps to make the rocky road ahead just a little more easy to face.
T - my guy- I know it's dying, but come on. It's like a damn cockroach, nothing seems to kill it! Except perhaps by big DB boot?
There is no way I want any doubts from him with this. I want it to die on its on accord, never to be resurrected again.
Do you happen to have a big battery pack I could use for my shovel? Lol!
My dear UW ~ I can totally see why the radiant spouse (Rosa came up with that awhile ago) gives up at this time. It svcks. Plain and simple.
But I know you believe in me, and that helps me to believe in myself. I can do this. At least till I can't do it anymore.
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No updates, but I thought I'd fire up the MLC jukebox, Friday edition
Heard this song the other day, would like to dedicate it to my H.
It's John Meyer's "Say What You Need to Say".
He may be a big pompous a$$, but that is a great song.
Have a great day
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
