Wife just filed for divorce...furious and hates me

[MrBond]

"I wasn't controlling of her,"

Yes you were. Go back and read 25yrsmlc's post to you. She outlines it very well.


"Her calling me all the time went way beyond normal phone needs."

Who are you to say what's "normal"? What you thought was 'abnormal', others would think differently. These are YOUR interpretations.

"I was also supportive of her while she dealt with numerous health problems including a brain tumor and collitis."

That should be a given. You don't get brownie points for doing things a regular husband is supposed to do."

"I did get on her case about her unhealthy lifestyle."

Controlling.

"I don't want to live my life like that."

You were worried about HER health, yet you complain about you.

"And on the topic of anger, again. I state that I didn't hit her not because I think that is some kind of accomplishment, but because I didn't hit her (and I don't want people getting the idea that I was physically abusive). And I never damaged her property until I found out she was cheating on me,"

You detailed times that you lashed out and it wasn't because of the A. Punching holes in the walls counts.

"and I realize now that was wrong. Mr. Bond, what more do you want from me?"

I don't want anything from you. You are the one who seems to forget what you post. Not me.

"How long are you going to keep bringing that up as if that is the only thing going on here?"

The issue is that you don't see how great of a contributor that is to your problem.

"I realize it was wrong, and I am taking steps to work on it. Yet the only advice you can reply is to keep repeating "damn right she left you, etc".

Go back and read the posts. YOu're not "getting it".

"She was planning to leave me before that,"

I doubt that.

"and she was cheating on me before that,"

Talking to others (even old BF's about your behavior isn't cheating). She wanted to maintain a friendship which to her wasn't wrong. I'm sure she felt the same way about some of your female friends, but you didn't think anything of it because YOU thought it was okay.

"so I have a hard time believing she was some kind of long-suffering victim. And for the record, she never once said she was afraid of me until after she had moved out of the apartment and needed to come up with a reason to give to people about why she left."

Ask ANY woman on these boards if what you did wouldn't make them afraid. You say that you are working on the issue, etc. Well the first thing you need to do is to stop downplaying them.

"She is a deeply fundamentalist Christian and she needs to be able to justify what she is doing to her family and the community."

Mindreading.

labug makes alot of good points. You do seem to blameshift alot and are only talking about what you did and how selfish your W was, when in fact, we who have been on the boards for awhile can see your W's POV also.

If you want to save your M, you are going to have to learn to do that as well. Or you can spin your wheels and keep arguing, in which case, nothing gets solved and you're right back to where you started.

Just my 2 cents.