Oh I completely blew the reply. I told her I loved her the same as always, that I was a better person than before, am working on worrying, and asked her to forgive me for any shortcomings. The worst response ever, I know. I did preface it by saying if this were my last day on earth I want you to know....
I really stink at this, but I stayed up until 2 watching a late football game (like Christmas I tell you), then up at 5 for the text. I'm blaming sleep depravation.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
I tell you Cadet Fantasy Football throws a wrench in everything now. I grew up pulling for the Bears because of Walter Payton, and now I lean toward the Seahawks because of Russell Wilson. I enjoy every game, no matter if its college, pro, or pewees.
I of course pull for my alma mater in college. But again, if its on I want to watch.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Hey Mountain, you dont stink at this. This is hard stuff.
So, ok, not the best response you could have sent. LOL! But we'll get back to that.
The thing is, that she gave you some valuable information.
She feels you hanging on.
Detaching is GAL, moving forward, doing 180's.
But letting go, well, that is a mindset.
It means a few things. It means that you do not allow her words or actions to affect your words or actions.
It also means that you are allowing her to walk her journey without any kind of influence from you.
It means that you hear her. You really hear that she said she does not want this marriage. Doesnt mean it will always be that way. But it is what is right now. And by hearing her, you are honoring her.
It means that you are not looking to her or at her for any signs that she has changed her mind.
It means you wish her well on her life's journey and you mean it because you love her and want her to find happiness.
As for your response, by texting what you did, it is showing her you are not hearing her, ya know?
Makes perfect sense. I am hanging on. So the boys left to stay with her for the night. That's a good thing as much as it hurts me. She's showing responsibility. I'll let the cowboys and giants soothe my wounds
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Mtn, if you really stunk at this you never would have made it this far. We all make mistakes now and then. Any one action is not going to make or break your M.
Anyway, MLC is about HER, not YOU. You can't fix her. I know you already know this.
Get back on track and don't fret mistakes in the past.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Thanks FY. I know it's a long road ahead. We all do the best we can.
W sent me texts late last night and again at 4:30 this morning. Just chit chat about pets, common friends, etc. The ones this morning dealt with a pic of a lady we know and how she's aging. W was really concerned about it as it relates to her aging in the future. Fit perfectly with what she's going through.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Text from W. She wants me to stay here long term and her to move out completely. Offered to pay half on mortgage but wasn't sure if she could afford it. I told her that was fine I would run the numbers and see if I could do it. Told her I wasn't going to try to stop her. She wants 50/50 still. That's the hard part for me. I need your thoughts and prayers. I'm doing fine. Almost relieved in a way.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
You're doing great Mtnman. Just like my H, wanted me to hold down the fort while he was off away doing his own thing.
Just do the best you can. Letting her go is the best way you can love her right now. She needs this time and space.
Thinking of you, rH
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
