The answer to the question if I ever thought of leaving my M in past? I resounding NO! Never. I thought (erroneously) that my M are good. Solid. Unbreakable.
Once again it's like you're inside my head and expressing my thoughts It's downright eerie
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Do I really want my M to be over. No. But, I feel like it already is. I don't feel M any more. Don't love my H like I used to. Don't respect him or trust him.
Ditto. I was thinking about this exact thing this morning when I was mowing (I have an acre and it takes over an hour to mow it, time spent just sitting on the mower riding back and forth, it's the best thinking time I have each week, LOL!) Do I want to stay married to the woman I knew and loved for 25 years? Absolutely. But she doesn't exist anymore; that loving, caring, selfless woman has simply vanished and has been replaced by a selfish, cold-hearted person that is completely alien to me. And I do NOT want to be married to her. That is not who I married, that is not who I had children with and spent decades with. Could I built a relationship with this new person? Sure, and I might consider it for my kids' sake. But frankly I don't want to, my heart's not in it. And thus far hers isn't either.
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Now that things have shifted a bit...H is NC OW and he is spending more time around house and has definitely softened toward him, I feel like I need to just wait and see how I feel in a couple of months.
It's downright eerie 
