Do your best to be calm, not show your emotions and validate your h. "I understand why you feel that way". "It must be hard to feel like that". Etc.
I know it isn't easy, esp in the beginning, however it is very important to remain calm. If you find yourself getting upset tell your h that you need to take a walk and you will have to finish the conversation tomorrow. Then go take a walk around the block a couple of times.
Have you read DB and DR? Find an activity for yourself to get involved with (or several). Are you working during the day? If not, get involved with volunteering, working out, etc. Try to find one activity that will take you out of the house in the evening when your H is home. Leave the house full of smiles and with big kisses for the girls...even if you have to go read a book at the coffee shop!
This is going to be tough so prepare yourself. The only way to change your marriage is to work on yourself. You cannot change your H'smind right now. You can work on the things you would like to improve in yourself and on getting out and living your life. The changes you make in yourself are the ones that may save your M.
Don't worry about H going to counseling with you. Right now there is a high chance it will do more harm than good so pretend you never asked.
We are here for you, hang in there.
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
