It's football season-all is well

[reachingHigher]

And I do still love you, but I'm not coming home. I don't know what the future holds for us.... Don't wait for me. Have fun. Enjoy life. Open doors. Make new friendships. Live in the present like it's your last day on Earth, because it could be! Whatever happens with us will be ok.

Mtnman I read this post earlier today and have been thinking about it. I love what the other posters said, of course.

She says she is not coming home. I read that as she is not coming home right now. She isn't ready.

The advice she gives to you sounds like advice she wants to live with and abide for herself right now.

She must feel some internal pressure from herself or from you that she isn't healing yet and feels guilt about not coming back. She wants to make it all look good spiritually, I think, like its not her fault. And, in some ways, it isn't.

About this time last year, H and I had been on a roll with good texting, visits, dinners, etc. and then suddenly he distanced himself and started heading for deeper depression and wanting D. I was so scared. For me. For him. For our boys.

As I have read your sitch, my gut feeling has been its gonna get worse before it gets better but I didn't wanna say so.

Hold on, Mtnman. This part gets really tough. But you can do it. You have done it. You've demonstrated positive changes and kept them. You've loved when it hurts. You've kept the family operating together on as many points as possible.

To me...letting go....means understanding our spouse's desire for distance as a hurt cry for help. And then attending to our own wounds as they attend to theirs.

My H continued the mantra "I'm never coming back" so long I many times believed him. It hurt to hear it each time. When he would feel himself creeping closer, he would remind us both I'm never coming back. See? It will never work. B/c I said I was never coming back and I meant it. I can't go back. And on and on in like manner. Often. Like he was trying to convince himself.

Meanwhile, I continued to work on the positive changes. Made myself the true prize. I felt like if he was never coming back, I wanted to make sure he knew he was giving up the treasure of a lifetime!

Hold on, dear Mtnman!