SM34's Post

[SM34]

Accuray, I admire your perspective and knowledge of eelationships, and your posts are daily mandatory reading for me. You are doing an awesome job helping us all here, as is mrbond and many others.

I detect a little sarcasm in the question of why someone would leave such a culture. So I just wanted to point out that it is not always by choice. Many of us are displaced due to political problema etc..

I myself have a problem where I have no future in NY home country. I am from the Coptic Orthodox minority of Egypt, and you may have seen how we are being persecuted by the Muslim brotherhood in our own home country. I also do not read or write Arabic since I went to british private schools my whole life. So I dont quite fit in over there (I grew up in a small gulf country). My cousins however, ALL returned to Egypt after finishing college in UK or USA because they love their home country and its people and family based culture.

I am an American now. So is my wife, and my daughter. My brother, his wife and two kids too. My parents also live here and are US citizens now. However, we cannot forget who we are. And that creates a daily struggle of tryinf to maintain your identity whike also assimilating into this community.

I am not saying I hate it here. On the contrary! This country is magnificent, and has given me lots of great opportunities that are not available elsewhere.

Consider this though. A couple of days ago, my parents (who had no prior souses or even sexual relationships) celebrated their 41st wedding anniversary. My wifes mom is in gwr second marriage (to her AP) aand her dad never remarried. her mon was sexually abused by her step dad. My father in law never remarried. He has 7 brothers and sisters and from 8 siblings only two marriages are still going. A couple of his siblings have been married twice and have blended families, put those kids through all that trauma only to divorce later. Baggage baggage baggage....

So it a coincidence which roles, WAS and LBS, have been assigned to my wife and I? Or is it due to life experiences? As parents, do we not have a duty to our kids to give them the best life? Does that not also incluse a stable two parent household? For me, that trumps my happiness. To my wife, it does not (although she doesnt appear to be checked out of our marriage and wont let go of me no matter what I try).

when I talk about America and American society, please do not think im talking down on you. As I said, I am American too. And my daughter is born and raised here. I have a vested interest in opening the dialogue with folks like you. We all need to fight to save this society from the inevitable collapse (if things continue this way) of marriages.

Do you agree with any of my views? Is it a coincidence who is in an affair and who is trying to save the marriage? Is it really something I could have done in my marriage that caused my wife to trash our lives and diaregard the interest of her own daughter? I mean bearing in mind that she is still around, still wants to dream about our family future etc...am I such a bad person? Or is she just more concerned with herself,than others? And if so, is that a coincidence?