2 nights ago while washing dinner dishes, my wife asked why the boys didn't eat much. I told her that they had snacked quite a bit before dinner because they were starving, but I wanted to wait for W to get home to have dinner. I said that's why it's so improtant for you to get home as soon as you can from work.(that, and it limits her time with OM)
Her response was very interetsing. She brought up a situation from years ago when the kids were just infants and toddlers. My W worked long hours then as well and she would call and ask if the kids had been fed. She would insist that I feed them by a certain time, but my response was that I wasn't hungry yet and I'll feed us all at the same time. I totally wasn't responsive to her needs!(I realize this now)
She reminded me of how furious this made her back then and that she would really struggle with it. She said we just weren't on the same page! Until one day she decided to choose her battles more carefully. She said that she just gave up with me on that issue and that's why our dinner times have been all over the place ever since.
I paused and looked her in the eyes and said: "Really? I had no idea that I had hurt you like that back then. That really must have been hard on you. I'm really sorry for that. I didn't realize how that effected you. I'm sorry about that".
After that, she did a silly side-step hop toward me and said "now we're on the same page". I sensed sarcasm, however.
She then walked back toward a chair and said: "You're realizing alot of things lately".
I take that as a good sign that she is noticing some type of change in me. DB coach says any argument is a goosd thing, but be sure to respond just how I did. Acknowledging her feelings and don't get defensinve.
What do you think? It's the first morsel I've seen with regard to her even thinking or talking about "us" or our relationship at all in quite a while.
yes, I think this is very encouraging. I think you did good with your responses. keep up the good improvements so she can see they are permanent!
Originally Posted By: doubledown
That's when she said: "well, you've been this "Father of the Year" and "Husband of the Year" for the past several months. I don't know what to make of that or what to do with that person."
I didn't respond. Then she said: " and if now you're going to say that you've been available or willing to help do that kind of stuff the past several years, that's just a false statement!"
I responded by saying I can understand why you would feel that way. You're right. But I'm going to keep doing the best I can and I don't see anything wrong with that.
She didn't respond and we went to sleep.
I think you did good with your response, and don't worry that she didn't reply. she heard you! that's the important thing.
and I totally disagree with HS, I won't do a point-by-point rebuttal, you've already seen my posts and other people's posts elsewhere, but right now it is too soon to confront W. don't let HS scare you into impatience that will ruin everything. right now you are building up a foundation that will show your wife that you have changed for the better. it will take some time to show that your changes are permanent after years of bad habits, so you shouldn't rush to confront her about the affair yet. I don't think their affair is "getting deeper". I think it will quite likely fizzle out when she sees that your improvements are constant over time.
but that takes time to show!
regarding your two threads - you have one here and one in newcomers. usually it's best to keep to one thread but I think you are getting useful advice in both places from different people, so I guess there is a benefit in both of your threads.
