SM34's Post

[SM34]

Hi guys, I just saw this thread and didnt realize these posts were here.

MrBond, no I by no means condone honor killings. At all. I have lived half my life in America now, and most of that has been with my wife. And the first half of my life was spent in a british expatriate community in the middle east. So I actually dont share the views of alot of what happens on my 'home culture'....

I think I have a kind of hybrid view on life and morality etc... I try to take the good from eastern and western culture and mesh into some kind of reality for myself. After spending your entire life as somewhat of an outsider, or atleast different from those around you,it is sometimes hard to see what common ground you share with folks around you. A little confusing really...

To clarify, I would say this. In eastern culture, you are to be happy with your marriage regardless of wether it makes you happy. In western culture, there is a sense that if you are not happy, you change your situation and often times that involves changing spouses. I like to think that there is a happy medium....you try hard to be happy with what you have, but you also work on changing what you dont like, but WITH YOUR SPOUSE. This view ia probably something we all have im common on this board, since we are all here trying to better our lives, with our spouse.

I just cant help feeling like popular culture in America is very superficial and a lot of folks have a very 'surface understanding' of what marriage is. When you blend that with tbe strong sense that happiness is key to a good life (which it is, just that its within you) you have a very dangerous situation.



I mean think about it. We all know someone who has beeb in 5 or more long term relationships. Was that a wrong choice of mates, every time? Did every spouse go crazy on them? Was it really imcompatibility? I just dont agree with this mentality.

I have a large exteneded family of cousins etc in my home country which I stay in contact with. Most of them graduated from college either feom UK or USA so they are westernized to some degree. they all dated (from a distance) several people during their high school years, followed by choosing someone, then a one year engagement where they get to know each other (in a non sexual way). Then, they got married. Now, most of those people have two or more kids and seem very happy and fulfilled.

So if one set of people can seem to make a good choice of spouses with just one choice, while another group needs to try a whole selection of people, then something is not right. And then when the same people who dated and had long term relationships with lots of people are then getting divoeced multiple times,.isnt this weird?