All Out of Options

[MyNewStrength]

Good Morning everyone.

No, I cannot afford to buy him out. I have another house that I am paying the mortgage on for my mother. This all [censored] because both of our incomes have given us a comfortable life. He wants me to buy him out I think and is now blaming my mother for using me, but he was the one that said that we should buy a place for her because her health was failing and she didn't have enough retirement to sustain her monthly expenses.

I just sent a message to my mother on this because I now have to make other arrangements or think more about what to do.

Oh God, I love the man that is now missing from my H's body. Why is he being so selfish?

[TryingToDo180]

Thank you all.

Well I let him get to me..... before leaving home he asked me if I had a chance to review the agreement. I responded thst I said we can tslk next weekend remember. He then says I am stalling and proceeds to tell me that he has never liked spending time with, he has not enjoyed vacations with me, and that he has never wanted to be with me.

All I can do now is cry....I am so sorry to keep writing here but how can he say these things to me?

This is all typical WAS behaviour. Try and ginore everything he says at the moment, as he doesn't mean any of it. He's just trying to validate to himself why he left you in the first place and feelings that he still has for you. You can't live with someone for X amount of years and not feel anything for them.

[TryingToDo180]

MP, it's all very emotional at the beginning and it feels like your world has just been turned upside down. It will get better, but you need to focus on yourself.
I don't know what to suggest about your H at the moment. It is not right that he has the house as he is the one that is causing all the heartache. However, he is being a bully and needs to be stopped.
Have you got someone who you can speak to in a professional way? Maybe get a mediator involved who can talk between the both of you. I'm sure you can get one through your lawyer.
All the best, take care

[MyNewStrength]

This is all typical WAS behaviour. Try and ginore everything he says at the moment, as he doesn't mean any of it. He's just trying to validate to himself why he left you in the first place and feelings that he still has for you. You can't live with someone for X amount of years and not feel anything for them.

TTD, thank you for the clarity.

It is just so hard to hear him say especially when he seems very sure that he means it and that he could say more negative things, but he does not want to hurt my feelings more. I am have been a good wife and friend. His family and friends love me and I have had a very good relationship with his twin sister. They don't know what is going on and I feel like I am losing our family.

He has NEVER been cruel to me in any way. But to hear him say that he does like spending time with me is a knife to my heart. I have to leave him to God and himself.

BTW, after all of that, the H just texted and asked is I could cook dinner as he wants to discuss finances.....Should I say, h#ll no??? Well that is my first reaction.

[TryingToDo180]

Personally I think that you should start mediation with him and only talk about finances through mediation. That is what I think anyway
There's a few on this board who's spouses still live with them and they have stopped cooking them meals, doing their washing, etc. I wouldn't say h*ll no to him, just be pleasant. Say sorry you can't cook him dinner tonight as you're going out. Then go out, to your mum's or a friends but just don't be in when he gets home. Time to show him what he's missing and as hard as it sounds start living your life without him in it. This makes them sit up and think and he may realise what he's done to you.
I'm afraid to say that any negative comments thrown your way at the mo are more typical WAS behaviour. You just have to ignore them for now, try and be pleasant with him and only speak positively in front of him.
I've been through it all with his family. I've felt that I've lost half a family as well. I still talk to his mum, but we only talk about day to day things now as anything I say to her will be related back to H.
I'm so pleased that you're a Christian and you've got faith Letting go and letting God is the hardest thing to do. I had a rough week last week with my parents and I felt like my world was turning upside down. I prayed a heartfelt prayer to God and handed all my problems over to him. When I did that, my life suddenly became calmer and happier. I had a good end of the week, with lots of things put into place with my son
We were talking about this in Church this morning and I was saying that the trouble is that you give it all to God, then take it back all the time. If you truly hand it to God, he will provide

[MyNewStrength]

TTD, I think you advice to your son is something I can learn from. I have faith, but I know when I give it God, I then take it back and try to do it on my own.

Thank you for the reminder that Faith comes with trust. And I trust that God will take of us all.

Happy Sunday!!

[TryingToDo180]

Hi MP, when I said about getting things put into place for my son, I meant finding him activities to do - now and half term hols. God has provided this for me by just letting go of my problems
Happy Sunday to you too I get an email called rejoice ministries every day. It's really inspirational and it talks about standing for your spouse to return home one day. Just search "rejoice ministries" and then sign up to receive their email every day Also their story on there gives us all hope and they often refer to their story on their daily devotional.

[hotwheelsaust]

MP, thought I would pop over and see your sitch. I am in agreement with TTD180 about the meals and everything else you do for him. You need to stop it, now.
If you don't like going out for dinner (buying meals)each night, then make some at home, put them in a container and go eat somewhere else. Even if it is the local park. Sounds horrible I know, but the H will start to get the message.
Basically he is eating his cake.
The talk is all WAS typical behaviour. Thankfully my W is the opposite with no talk, but sometimes I wish she did complain/yell at me.
Start with the meals, first, try it for a week. See what difference is does/doesn't make.

[TryingToDo180]

Good idea HWA Do you have any family nearby that you can go and camp round at theirs for a couple of hours? I wouldn't ask your friends at this stage, unless it's a one off. Some friends don't like to get involved.

[MyNewStrength]

I have been able to think a little clearly today. I have cried I cannot lie, but I feel pretty good. I agree, I have been giving him his cake by cooking and cleaning....no more, I will only do for myself.

A friend who I have not spoken to since last year called and she wants to meet up this week. She is a runner as well and she is also running the Army 10 miler next month. I may need to join a running club now that I have time. It may be a good way to meet other people right?

BTW, I am looking into buying a camera as I always wanted to get into photography. However, the DLR camera can be expensive. The DC area has so many great sights and just walking the city taking pictures is a great way to spend a day.

I hope I am beginning to get it right. But sometimes I backslide. I hope that the backsliding will be few and far between moving forward.