One giant leap forward! - Part 6

[T1000]

Well I thought a little while ago that I would be in a different place when I got to Part 6.

I don't have the kids this weekend and I had just one hours worth of GAL and in that hour I got a blister that has slowed me down even more.
I saw the kids on Wednesday, it's been 3 days since I have seen them and normally I go 5 days without a problem during the week. Really missing them. As soon as I think that I might miss them I automatically miss them.

I put new pics in all the frames on Friday. A strange feeling after all this time removing dating, wedding, honeymoon and pregnancy pictures. It is nice to walk out of my bedroom and see a wall of my babies now though and not have my failed M looking at me.
I've also begin removing pretty much all traces of W from inside the house, it's hard to believe there was still so much stuff. Her stuff is gonna take up a massive amount of the garage.

It looks like my remortgage might be going through. If/when it does i will be fairly comfortable. I will be able to take the kids out and do things, buy them clothes and furniture. Adjust the house to my liking, update my wardrobe and take up some different GAL. It will mean that we have no equity in the house after all debts are paid off rather than a few grand we would have been. It's more important that I can afford to live right now and not go bankrupt than have equity.

I have less anger with W now than I did a week or so ago. I'm more open now to DB than I was then. As usual I think it's over for good. I do believe that if she wanted back in she would have some serious work and improvement to do before I would even consider it. I don't think she is capable of it.

I emailed W about the car insurance and the driving on Friday but not heard anything back yet. I messaged her this morning about Skyping the kids today or tomorrow and got nothing back.
A little while ago I would have been thinking that she is either angry with me or having the time of her life and too busy....now I just think I have no idea what she is or isn't going through and guessing isn't going to do anything for me.

I joined some online dating sites on Thursday. I spent some time making a good profile. I even had a woman contact me and tell me how good my profile is. I put some good pics on.
It turned out to not be what I was expecting (I know expectations). Online dating is very very judgemental. I don't mean that as in it's wrong, it's par for the course. It's like browsing through anything your going to invest in. If there are two things there and one meets your initial search criteria by one or two things you will pick that one over the other. Times that by hundreds or thousands and a woman my age or younger still has a chance at starting their own family and not take on anyone else's. Appearances (as in all terms) matter even more so when your trying to stand out from a crowd.
I got a little lost with this between Thursday-Saturday seeing what I could achieve. By the end of Saturday I had a good word with myself. I wasn't desperate to find a date last week so why was I now.
I will leave my profiles and up and se if anything comes of it. I'm not expecting anything now.

Gonna get myself some new goals, keep improving, find some GAL and keep going.

It's my school reunion next weekend. I always liked the idea of a school reunion in general but not with my school. If I look at the people that are going I never fit and I didn't like most of them. I don't want to go but I do plan to. At the end of the day I'm being invited out by people that I have seen for 20 years so I can't foresee what it will be. I would rather regret going than not going.

I really appreciate all the help I have received on here whether I agreed with it or not.
I feel better after writing this and being back on here just talking.

What next...