Lifestyle changes

[25yearsmlc]

25 - that must have been a difficult line of work.


Yes It was. It wasn't by choice.

One innocent client (who was convicted at trial, and then I appealed and it eventually went to the US Supreme Court, btw) got me involved in several constitutional issues that arise in these types of cases. That led me to be appointed for other cases.

The issues of confronting your witness, getting hearsay statements from children, emotionally charged divorce cases, are common themes in these cases.
So it made sense for my boss to keep giving me the cases, but I was deeply affected by the innocent men accused, and the guilty men who felt little or NO remorsee for their behaviors.

I was a new mother, and then we had our D1. After the pregnancy and birth, I was burnt out and tired of the ugliness polluting my life.

SO THEN IT WAS NEW JOB TIME.


It is hard for me to imagine anyone sexually abusing a child, which is why I tended to give my FIL the benefit of the doubt.

I understand you. On more than one occasion I have told a client "No I DO NOT understand why stress/painful childhood/long hours, would affect you this way or 'make you do it'. I know lots of men and I have 5 brothers who also do not understand...."

But it's a risk everyone with daughters (and sons) has, sadly..
I am NOT one of those alarmists who think "more men than ever: are doing this", b/c I think it's reported a lot more.
OTOH we know that some LBW or WAWs actually convince themswelves it happened. Check out Alamos's thread sometime if you want to see a sahd, falsely accused when he fought the move his wife wanted to make.

MY LAST COMMENT on this...probably is that I have also seen

otherwise good, moral women, (and or men) become so infuriated, so threatened, so insulted, AND SO AFRAID,

when their WAS leaves for OP and wants to step parent the kids TOO,

the LBS will do or say anything to keep the kids, calling the wives slutty or UNFIT, or accuse the fathers of abuse even if it means robbing their children of an otherwise fit parent. Because In their (LBS) eyes, what do they have to lose?

So they go for broke. IF you see signs of that type of attitude, I suggest NO unwitnessed contact, playmates and supervised time with the kids (with family or friends YOU trust to verify truthfully)

UNTIL these issues are settled. Hopefully this is a non issue but as a L, I felt it needed to be said at least once.

But I'm done on that arena unless you have questions.



My W works at keeping a relationship with her dad and talks to him fairly regularly. He was invited to all our family functions.

Was he ever asked to sit for your kids? If so, what did You think? How did the mil react?

And how are your kids with him now? And before now? Why'd you say there was "no contact with fil" if there was? I mean, did he come over or not?


Her sister and 2 step sisters have no contact with him. Her younger step sister in particular has called him "Creepy" and said that she did not want to be around him, and would not bring her friends to the house.


Still? ^^^ VERY TELLING


My W would limit contact with our kids and her dad, but I think it was done to appease her mom, and not really out of concern for our kids safety.


This ^^^ is a dangerous level of mind reading AND inaction on YOUR Part. You chose the path easiest for YOU.

Go ahead. I know you will now

Tell us why that was "absolutely the morally correct" and infallible/irrefutably right choice..but the fact is

YOU had reason to worry.

ALL her female relatives avoided him. All of them STILL prevented their kids from being alone with him....except you and your wife.???

Don't skimp here. "She assured me" it was all nonsense, and "why would she lie?" Because MAYBE she's a victim of abuse who doesn't want to admit it. Like many.

Ask yourself Why would they all lie? ALL to "appease their mother" ---so they deny a R with their grandfather--- ALL these years later? Really?

look, maybe you can just admit one thing.

Your morally correct position HAPPENS to be what was/is easiest for You...didn't rock the boat. And wasn't that possibly

At your kids expense?

Does that MEAN they were abused? No. NO it does not.

It means you took that risk and it's not the "same risk" we all take.

But let's not beat a dead horse if there is nothing you are going to do about it or change....

and OR

if it's all done now.


All of this happened long before I ever met my W, so I only hear stories. I have no idea of the truth.

What??

How do you mean it "all happened long before"? He was gone from their family

and disowned by the time you showed up.

But since THEN, you have or have not, allowed him into your kids lives? I can no longer tell.

Enough.

Rock, if you never thought about it before I am sure you will now. So I will say no more

but don't go on about how you were "right about it all" eitherts . The arguing only gets us so far before it's just arguing.

Let's just

move on to your GAL and letting go of what SHE does or what you think of it.

Clearly we won't agree on how you portray or report your w to others.

So let's focus on how you'll work on your father daughter r's.
How's that going? Any new movies of interest to discuss? Any new people in Their lives?

I promise to see the Perks of Being a Wallflower again, as I am sure my d16 (now 16...wow) will approve.