Blindsided Part 2

[chasingpavements]

Aw that is great chl!

Sounds like he is just a bit down because of his job, try not to take it personal.

Have a great day,
-cp

[JuneReN]

Good to hear

[chl0901]

SCRIPT.

I am so dumb.

H told me last night he was still unhappy and today that he wants a divorce and everything he's said or done the past month was fake in an attempt to try to feel that way. Every time he complimented my appearance, talked about the future, told me he loved me, slept with me. It was all a lie.

I know from advice and others' threads that WAS act like they are trying many times, but he should get an Academy Award for his performance because he had me completely fooled.

[JuneReN]

Every time these things happened with me, it helped me detach further. I love my H but when things come out of his mouth, I let them roll off.

The thing is? To get to the place where if he comes back it's good. If he doesn't? It's good.

Either way, you are in the same place. Continue with your life and your GAL etc etc. this is only one part of the ride. When you ride it again, you know what to expect

[Mimi00]

Hi Chl, came here to say thanks for posting in my thread...I am sorry to see things have changed for you. Though it's hard, don't let his actions cause a negative reaction from you. Stay focused on you and S!

[chl0901]

Well, the ride continues.

H woke me up in the middle of the night last night and said he's sorry and doesn't want to lose me. He told me he didn't mean the things he said and was just trying to say things to make me upset because he was in a bad mood and felt like being an A-hole. He said he will go to IC because he obviously has some issues. We went to breakfast and to run errands this AM and he's been pleasant. We'll see what happens.

Thanks for the support, Mimi and Ruby!

[Not Quitting]

As you said yourself earlier - script. This isn't going to end anytime soon. At least you sound like you're in a good place and able to handle the changes as they happen.

Just remember never take anything he says personally and, at the same time, don't read too much into positive changes until you've seen them last.

You've got this. Stay strong.

[AnotherStander]

Well, the ride continues.

H woke me up in the middle of the night last night and said he's sorry and doesn't want to lose me.

They don't call it a roller coaster ride for nothing! His behavior reminds me of Accuray's "hot and cold" post from a while back:

"Another thing to expect is that your wife will run "hot and cold" -- she'll be nice to you one minute and the next will shut down hard. This is extremely confusing. Here's what's going on -- your wife will "try on" being nice to you to see how it feels, or if she gets comfortable may slide back into a familiar partner role. At some point she'll catch herself, will worry that you'll get the impression that everything is now "okay" when for her it is not, and will then make sure to demonstrate to you that everything is NOT okay by shutting you out and pushing you away. That's all an inner dialog so to you it just looks completely confusing. If you expect it, you'll enjoy when she warms up and won't worry too much when she goes cold.

It's tempting to get into a mode of catastrophic thinking -- that each time your wife goes cold you worry it will stay like that forever, or "oh boy, this is it, she's gone!" That leads you to panic and overreact. This is a roller coaster, and there will be very dramatic highs and lows. The best thing you can do is try to stay near an emotional baseline. If the WAS bounces between 10 feet up and 10 feet down, the LBS tends to go 25 feet up and 25 feet down in response. Your goal is to go 5 feet up and 5 feet down instead. Take the long term view. Easy to say, hard to do, but if you know what to expect things get easier."

In your case it's "H" instead of "W", but the message is the same.

This ride is far from over, you can expect some erratic behavior from your H for months. You mentioned he should get an award for his acting, the problem with that statement is he's not acting!! His moods really are changing that much from one day to the next. One day he loves you, the next we wants to get as far from you as he can. That's an expression of the turmoil that is going on inside of the WAS's head.

[JayMan]

^^^. Strap in for the ride!

My W told me last Monday she loved me, wanted to be married to me, wanted to go to counseling and date - today, she wants divorce.

Just know you're not alone - there's more than one seat on the rollercoaster!

[chl0901]

As you said yourself earlier - script. This isn't going to end anytime soon. At least you sound like you're in a good place and able to handle the changes as they happen.

Just remember never take anything he says personally and, at the same time, don't read too much into positive changes until you've seen them last.

You've got this. Stay strong.

Thanks, NQ. I'm trying to stay strong and do the best I can. I got upset when he was telling me he hated me and everything wrong with me, etc., but I held it together for the most part I think. Just going to keep on keeping on.

They don't call it a roller coaster ride for nothing! His behavior reminds me of Accuray's "hot and cold" post from a while back...

Thanks for posting, AS. That is definitely close to what I am experiencing right now. When he was hating me on Friday and Saturday, I remember thinking how confused must he be to say these things after telling me the exact opposites the day before?

^^^. Strap in for the ride!

My W told me last Monday she loved me, wanted to be married to me, wanted to go to counseling and date - today, she wants divorce.

Just know you're not alone - there's more than one seat on the rollercoaster!

It just blows my mind how they can constantly change their minds and feelings! I know how I feel! I just want to be loved and respected by the person who I love and respect.

And even though I am sorry you (and others) are going through similar times, it is comforting on some level to know I am not alone in this ride.