Wonka asked me what I wanted, I responded to Wonka's question.
You said what was on your mind which is exactly what you should do. But you need to understand why your thoughts are damaging you, your sitch and your relationship with your WAS. Just take the responses for what they are- an attempt to help you see things from another perspective. Each of us carry a lot of emotional baggage over our sitches, if we're honest with ourselves we will understand that we are not the best judge of how to act in our sitches because the emotions are far too raw. We tend to react based on our feelings and although we have good intentions, those feelings lead us to do the wrong things with our WAS's. Those who are not emotionally invested in our sitches but have already walked a mile in our shoes are those who are best equipped to lead us through this, and that's where these forums and/ or DB coaches come in.
Quote:
My W initiated contact and my W said she needs to know what my intentions are.
What she said is she's done with you, wants you to move on, needs closure, blah blah blah. Typical WAS stuff. And then she asks you what YOUR intentions are? You've made it clear here that you still want to save your M, but I think we've been clear to you that you can't be too aggressive about that thought with her because that is NOT what she wants and your words will fall on deaf ears. No need for a long F2F talk with her. Just keep it short and sweet, tell her you would like to work on the M but you understand that she doesn't want to and you will not stand in her way if she wishes to pursue D. If she hears you say you're not going to stop her then it takes some of the pressure off and you may find she doesn't pursue it as aggressively.
