Is there's anything left of everything we had...

[Not Quitting]

Hey, NQ. As promised, reading back through your posts, what pops out for me? Special Constable - you must have watched The Thin Blue Line!

Yep, Rowan Atkinson. I can’t take him as Mr. Bean, but in Thin Blue Line and Blackadder he was good. I still love cop shows today and crime novels – guess it’s in my blood. Maybe I should have joined the regular police force instead of just being in the reserve. Not here though – don’t like the thought of carrying a gun, and shifts don’t go well with kids.

Seriously, though, I think you have the right attitude and focus for a tough situation. You know what to say (and not say!) when people inquire. You know to focus your energy on yourself and your son.

Talking down a drunk is a lot easier than talking to my H these days. And I highly doubt I’ve got the mental stability to handle those tough situations these days – losing a kid does a lot to mess up the mind, now add a messed up M. It takes me all my strength not to go off the deep end some days.

Thanks for your support, and feel free to keep dropping TV references. It makes a nice change to just posting about the sitch.

[Not Quitting]

Don't you think MH is good NQ? He has such a positive attitude

We'd better watch ourselves TTD, we'll make MH blush. And yes, I love the positive attitude.

[Not Quitting]

Thanks to everyone for the morale boost.

Just had a great afternoon with one of my sisters, her husband and son. First time we've had a family dinner since January. It was nice seeing them again, even if the house has been a bit chaotic for the last few hours. The dust is now settling as they've just left for the drive home. Second sister couldn't make as her SO needed the car as it was pouring rain and he won't ride his motorbike in the rain.

[AnotherStander]

The man I'm married to right now (or should I say separated from) is not the same man I married in 1997. Once in a while I get a glimpse of that man so I know he's still in there but right now he's not able to get out.

Right after BD I used to see my "old wife" fairly regularly. I would see her smiling at me with that "I love you so much" look in her eyes, then she would catch herself and her whole look and attitude would change to "ice queen" in an instant. It was the craziest thing. Once she was sleeping with S10 (S9 at the time) and I went in and was tickling him and playing with him to wake him up and W looked at me with that warm smile on her face I had seen so many times before BD. She reached over to caress my arm and right before she touched me, -snap- she remembered and quickly retreated into the castle. There were other slips, calling my "honey" or "babe" out of habit, etc. Anyway, those moments became fewer and fewer as the months went on until they completely disappeared. I never, ever see my old W anymore, she's been completely replaced with the alien now.

[MileHigh]

AS, it's amazing how quickly the mood can change, isn't it?

[TryingToDo180]

Thanks for the kind words TDD. I hope to be able to keep the attitude up. I lived too long down in the dumps, thinking there was no hope for my problems.

I was looking at the big problems and not focusing on the little things I can change. The little things are what give us the boost to tackle those big things. And guess what? The big things are all made up of a bunch of little things! One at a time...

That;s a brilliant way of looking at things MH

[TryingToDo180]

AS, Never give up hope. For a few months now my H has been the ice king. Now I'm seeing him starting to thaw, baby steps though. He may still want a D but he can't afford to D me.
NQ, I love Mr Bean, it's hilarious Glad you had a good time with your family I love the w/ends, it's a chance to kick back and relax

[Not Quitting]

H came round for his weekly visit with S13. He was supposed to have a talk with him but didn't. Says now he'll do it next week. He has agreed that there will be no mention of OW unless S13 asks if there's someone else. We've discussed it and decided that S13 needs some time to adjust to the fact that his dad isn't going to be moving back in before he is told that there's someone else in his dad's life. That would be too much for one time.

Despite his complaints about lack of money, H paid for some stuff I needed to pick up for S13, and took us both out for lunch. He also paid his first weekly child support installment - and all of this was without any mention of his financial situation. Lunch was at a cafe that we used to go to every Sunday for brunch and all the staff know us. It was strange sitting there acting as if we were still together as a family.

I'm glad to say that I was completely unemotional when he left, and in fact I was actually anxious for him to leave. Guess I may finally be detaching.

[Not Quitting]

H came round for his weekly visit with S13. He was supposed to have a talk with him but didn't.

I apologize if I missed it reading through the posts....what were they going To talk about specifically?

No problems JMB. H was going to have a "man to man" talk with S13 to tell him that our "trial separation" is no longer trial - H has decided he loves me but "can't live this life" whatever that means.

[TryingToDo180]

Sorry to hear that your H didn't have the heart to heart that you wanted him to with your son I bet it was confusing for your son to go to a cafe with his parents when they're not together anymore. Glad that you didn't get emotional when he left though and feel that you can now move on with your life
We've not been anywhere together since H moved out, apart from a costa in another town where no-one knows us anyway. It must be weird sitting at a cafe where you've always been to as a family. I feel sometimes that H is taking it to the extreme by not going out as a family. The first time he left we went to a cafe for lunch in our local town and even went to the cinema together. Now we don't do anything like that together, I've invited H along but the answer i get is always the same - I don't know what I'm doing that day! You would think he would come along for the sake of his son. Anyway I do what DB says to do and carry on with my plans anyway.