Figuring out the old and new life

[ForeverYoung]

But I am not so sure, (and I could be wrong, I often am), that she meant disallowing the natural occurences of the situation to unfold. For example, if her father asks both of you to do something and she doesnt want to go, I think it is up to her to explain, ya know? And let them make their own conclusions. That's kinda what I meant by what I said.

Thank you for the clarification. That makes sense and I agree. I don't think I've covered for her in that respect, (not often anyways) but will make sure that I don't.

am going to be a little nitpicky if I may. Doing your own thing is great. But if your wife is telling you to find other things to do, while it could be guilt on her part, leads me to believe that you are not going anywhere.

All I can say is I'm pleasing myself first, doing things I like to do, finding my own meaning and purpose in life. Sometimes this means going places, sometimes not. "Going Out" is not the only way to find meaning and purpose in our life. Heck, Going Out is exactly what the MLC'ers do, and it seems a dead end for them.

Not all GAL's are equal. Do what you value, and what holds meaning for you, not what someone else wants you to do.

If someone told me 3 months to 3 years, I wouldnt be at all worried. Just sayin....;)

OK. That's why I'm thinking I want to get more serious with letting her know I'm not going to hang around forever. I mean, if I am going to bail on her, (and yes I keep feeling like I eventually will) shouldn't I give her a chance to step up first?

I am not implying you should give her an ultimatum. Just think you might need to detach just a bit more.

If I have to detach any more then I don't want her. I'd rather be done. At least that's the way I feel sometimes.

Hope it helped in some way.

And good for you that you are finding out about the divorce process. Knowledge is power.

You are doing great, my friend. Just gotta ride out the rough spots.

Your help is always greatly appreciated. I'd happily pay you for it if I knew you would accept it.

[Cadet]

And quit saying a year! It's been 18 months since BD and 21 since Mom died and this all started! I'm not doing the last 9 months over! Ok, still not 2 years and I get your point... it's probably still be early.

OK if I had an EDIT button here I would go change my post to 18 months

Sorry for having the facts wrong and no I would never want you to have to repeat the last 9 months but I am at over 4 years and speak from a different perspective.

This takes a LONGGGGGGGG time!

Actually I know you already know that.

[uRworthy]

I am going to be a little nitpicky if I may. Doing your own thing is great. But if your wife is telling you to find other things to do, while it could be guilt on her part, leads me to believe that you are not going anywhere.

Sorry, that ^^^^^was mistyped. It should say if she is telling you to do things, it leads me to believe that SHE thinks you arent going anywhere. I do not mean that you need to go out more if you do not want to. I think you and I agree that there is a mindset that you need to have and she needs to understand.

Not all GAL's are equal. Do what you value, and what holds meaning for you, not what someone else wants you to do.

I agree completely. ^^^^

OK. That's why I'm thinking I want to get more serious with letting her know I'm not going to hang around forever. I mean, if I am going to bail on her, (and yes I keep feeling like I eventually will) shouldn't I give her a chance to step up first?

Yep, you should give her the chance. I think you and I are on the same page here. Not all sitches are alike, nor are people alike. You know you and her best. And for some it is best to just wait it out, for others it is not. As I said, you saying anything is not going to make or break this thing.

If I have to detach any more then I don't want her. I'd rather be done. At least that's the way I feel sometimes.

I want you to know that I hear you, FY. This is tough stuff. And it is hard to deal with and tolerate at times. It is ok to feel what you feel. And I dont think that anyone should deal with this at the cost of themselves. Your marriage is imporant, but, you matter, too.

Your help is always greatly appreciated. I'd happily pay you for it if I knew you would accept it.

Thank you for that. I am just paying it forward. Happy if I help in some way. You are ok, FY. One of the good ones.

[Cadet]

Your help is always greatly appreciated. I'd happily pay you for it if I knew you would accept it.

Thank you for that. I am just paying it forward. Happy if I help in some way. You are ok, FY. One of the good ones.

FY you have been paying it forward and I hope that you continue to do so!
Thats how we all keep this board going!
There is always lots of newbies to help!

This goes for anyone else reading along too!

[ForeverYoung]

W and I are going out of state tomorrow morning to meet up with her Dad. Spending the night and returning on Sunday. I'm planning to have a great time... not sure about W. I'm not as exciting as her friends doncha know.

2 and a half hour car ride each way. Likely be some R talk. We'll see. I'm not looking to initiate.

[uRworthy]

Like your mindset, sweetie. And yep, let it flow from her. Doesnt mean you cant get in an appropriate word or two if it's warranted or there's an opportunity, ya know?

[job]

Travel safely and try to enjoy yourself. God will take care of your wife.

[uRworthy]

And Fy, I doubt your wife's friends are all that exciting. I'd hang out with you anytime.

[RosaLinda]

Just catching up on everyone's sitch FY. Thanks for your kind words after my surgery! 

I hope your first 2 1/2 hour ride was pleasant and not too tense. Will the two of you be sleeping in the same bed? That has the potential to be very good! I hope it is a time for a bit of physical reconnection for you two. The last time my H was forced to share a bed with me, he clung his 6' 6 1/2" 260 lb self onto the edge of the bed like lichen on a rock. It's so strange to feel lonely despite some one laying next to you. 

I hear you about getting pretty tired of your roommate arrangement. It stinks right, whether it's 18 days or 18 months. Especially when your roommate isn't especially friendly, and you never do anything fun together. 

Maybe you can remedy that this weekend! Open W's eyes to how much other people enjoy your company again, like you did with her GF earlier this summer. After all, you have a certificate proving you're funny, right?

[RosaLinda]

Just catching up on everyone's sitch FY. Thanks for your kind words after my surgery! 

I hope your first 2 1/2 hour ride was pleasant and not too tense. Will the two of you be sleeping in the same bed? That has the potential to be very good! I hope it is a time for a bit of physical reconnection for you two. The last time my H was forced to share a bed with me, he clung his 6' 6 1/2" 260 lb self onto the edge of the bed like lichen on a rock. It's so strange to feel lonely despite some one laying next to you. 

I hear you about getting pretty tired of your roommate arrangement. It stinks right, whether it's 18 days or 18 months. Especially when your roommate isn't especially friendly, and you never do anything fun together. 

Maybe you can remedy that this weekend! Open W's eyes to how much other people enjoy your company again, like you did with her GF earlier this summer. After all, you have a certificate proving you're funny, right?