Bond, I didn't exhibit anger with her on a regular basis. Remember that everything that you know about me is based on what I've told you. In the days immediately following this situation I began to believe that I was completely at fault for this and drove her away.

When I used the term anger, I think a more accurate description is that we fought about things. She would be unhappy or I would be unhappy and we would get into an argument. During these arguments if they got bad enough I would swear at her. She never liked this and would demand I apologize if I ever did swear at her, and I would.

The only time I have ever broken anything of hers was after I discovered her affair, and no that doesn't make it alright, but this is not a situation where I've been terrorizing her over the past 10 years and she's been living in fear.

Her biggest complaint about me was that I was not cuddly enough, and did not enjoy talking to her enough about her day and my day.

And another thing you need to keep in mind is that she has been talking to her ex-boyfriend and hanging out with him secretly throughout our entire relationship, going back to when we were in college and when we only saw each other once a week or so. Back then every moment we had together was very affectionate and fun, and there was never time for fighting, so I don't think the theory that I drove her into another man's arms is accurate. I was working overtime trying to win her back then and apparently my efforts were not good enough to keep her from seeking out this other guy who she had told me she had stopped talking to.

The reason she cheated on me was not because I was scary or terrible, but because she wanted more than what she had. It comes down to a choice on her part. When she wanted to play Mario Kart or other Wii games and I didn't, she would sneak out to play it at this other guy's house. When she wanted to go rollerblading and I didn't, she would go out with these other guys and tell me she was going with her girlfriends. That's nothing I did to her.

She is very conveniently now using the excuse that she is "afraid of me" and that this justifies all of her decisions to be unfaithful prior to me finding out about her affair and going ballistic. And yes, for the final time I am aware that my reaction to that was not appropriate and am working on this in counseling.

I would appreciate comments going forward that are constructive and helpful and not blaming.

T 10 years, M 4 years, both 28 years old
7/3/2013 - W wanted D, we attempted to reconcile
7/20/2013 - discovered W's EA, attempted to reconcile
8/24/2013 - W told me she wanted D, filed papers