Wife just filed for divorce...furious and hates me

[MrBond]

"I don't want to get too far into details or bashing her, but what I'm beginning to see now is that I really wasn't that happy being with her."

Now you're going into your own fog.

"I can work on my reaction to it, but I don't want to be with someone who will blithely disrespect me. She crossed a lot of my boundaries while we were together, both by lying and also by complaining about me to a lot of other people as I am finding out now."

Did you ever once think that she did try to reach out to you, but because of your anger issues, you didn't want to listen to her which is why she went to other people? The reason why you haven't gotten anywhere so far in you sitch is because you've made it all about her. She had to live with your anger issues for 10 years and the OM was a safe place for her to go to. I don't think you see and understand that. Just because now you're getting help for your anger issues (which you wouldn't have done if she didn't leave), doesn't mean that she's going to come rushing back into your arms.

I see alot of blameshifting on both your parts.